Just open your lid

I have had a few days to take a look back at this last past week. All I can say is that I have been brought to a new level in ministry.

I have been practicing this last week everyday like twice a day to learn and nail down the song God is here Mime that the pastor had asked me to do with him. He has never done miming before but to say the least I was a little concerned at first when we first started learning it, the pastor did look a little funny at times and it was comical. Each day is got better and better.

I started praying for Sunday, I felt that it was going to be a divine appointment for someone to feel his presence. The services started off with worship which was totally awesome and moving, then we moved into cardboard testimonies and that was awesome to see so many people that I have gotten to know and to see what they came from and out of was amazing. God is so merciful and forgiving that it blows my mind. I has to stop from crying and letting my mime makeup get all nasty. Right after that we moved into the mime song God is here, which is a song that K and K Mime has done and is see on You tube.

As the song started and I looked into the crowd I began to be so amazed at what was going to happen and already happened. The song was awesome and great and the pastor did so great that alot of people did not recognize who he was. I was so pleased to see what God did in the 11 am service and people came down to alter with no words spoken. It took a bit to get people to come but when they did it was just bam, God touched a lot of people in so many ways. It was beautiful to see what God was doing.

I was taken to a new level with mime. I have done mime before but to experience it in this way with that type of atmosphere was really beautiful. We are but vessels that he uses to accomplish his will. We just need to open the lid and let him fill us with him:)

When I have a link to post the mime I will make sure to post it here. You can also check out my other blog about mime and the ministry that is going to be starting up soon:)

Tis the Season to be Jolly

So here we are heading into Christmas full blast, Thanksgiving is over and another year is passing right before my eyes. My Oldest son is 4 and will be 5 in February and I cant believe that he has grown up so quick. I am sadden by knowing that I keep getting older and older. Hmm Life is funny that way.

Today I decorated the Christmas Tree and I pulled out 2 ornaments that represent the 2 babies that I have lost over the last years. I just stand in silence as the innocence that they were. The first one I lost experienced Mexico and the joy of missions and the hot summer days of Juarez and the red light district and God endless love and mercy for all those who need to here his word. That child was with me and I didnt actually loose it tell well after I was back from Mexico. So may think I lost it because I was in Mexico or whatever, but after much prayer and deliberation with my husband I went. I was actually the leader of a group of teens and I drove them there and was their momma so to speak:) I saw their lives changed and my child was apart of that. Loosing that baby was very hard to say the least because I went through the labor process and felt every contraction and every thing. I mean everything. I remember that after that sometime we moved to Shepherds ville and visited New Vision Ministry Center and that first day at the end of service when Pastor David was giving the alter call, he mentioned that if you lost a child. that is all I heard and I knew that God was comforting my husband and I cause we looked at each other and cried. From that day on New Vision was a special place and are hearts were mended:)

The other Ornament was for a baby that was lost during that train accident that happened in Brooks. My son and I were home at the time and to say the least it was a challenging experience, you can read my blog about it in my history. But during that time we lost another baby, loosing that second baby was a real disappointment and was a very frustrating and hard experience to say the least. The moment that I was told that the baby was not alive I was so hurt that I cried all night in the hotel we were staying at because we had no home to go to. I know my husband heard me all night and probably others in the next rooms did too. I don't think that I ever cried so much and remember feeling the great disappointment. Still makes me cry when I think about it, but I know that God does recognize the unborn and the ones that are silenced on purpose or in vain and by accident. Which has made my prolife stance even more stronger than before. Here women are killing babies and I could carry one, very sad.

So I look at those ornaments and remember their little lives even though they were short. See I feel that when I sleep at night they are both sitting at my pillow and rubbing their little fingers through my hair as if to say they are with me.

Since then I have had Ryder who is almost 10 months old. He smiles all the time and is a precious gift. I know that without the loss of my other babies I would not have Ryder and he is an awesome little man. Him and Dom get along so well.

So on these Holiday seasons remember the past because it is the door for the future.

I need a really big Microphone

The last couple of weeks have been really crazy as its leading into the holiday season. I am constantly reminded of how we can get into our own routines and our own life's and not realize the true reason that we are here on this earth.

I was telling my son about Jesus and I told him that since Jesus lives in us that we need to go and tell others about Jesus so that when they die they will go to heaven. His response to me was so real that I was amazed at the understanding of a child. I told him"we need to tell others about Jesus so that they will go to heaven." He said "well Im gonna need a really big microphone, so everyone will hear it."

His understanding and faith it what we should show in our everyday life. We should want everyone to heat it and not be just confined to our comforts and what we want and if we are offended by this and that. we just need to get over ourselves and realize that there are lost and dying people that need to here about Jesus.

Soon after the Jesus conversation with my son, we were at church last Wednesday night when the pastor was talking about the Holy spirit and speaking in tongues and we brought him in at the end when God was moving, and he didn't want to leave. He felt the presence of God and he knew he wanted to be there and he asked for prayer. It was amazing to see and child want to be where God is moving, He felt it and wanted it.

The next day or so we were in walmart in the check out lane and getting ready to leave when Dominic turned to me and said "we need to tell that Lady that Jesus died for her" He would not give up and I told him to go ahead a tell her. I am not sure that that specific lady heard him, but a lot of other people did and who knows who heard that and needed to hear it. By the way he said it pretty loud on a busy Friday night. so I think there were people there that were destined to be there because God knew the faith and obedience of a child would fill the need.

No matter who we are, what lives we have lived, or how we look there is someone out that that needs to here about Jesus from us. Not everyone will receive it from just one person but they may from a little child. Or they may from you.

Go and do what God has called you to do and don't think twice because he is with you.

Today is a Very Sad Day

To say the least this has been a very sad day. My very good friend in the Lord who is on the dance team at church was in a car accident and her mother died in the wreck. Watching all the news and stories in the paper just breaks my heart. Laying in the hospital alone when I arrive was Bo. My heart raced and sank all at the same time. I was so sad when I went up to her she told me that her mom had died in the wreck and I just couldn't believe it. I stayed and comforted for a little bit and then left the room because my heart broke for her. I have nothing to give a good friend but my time and my prayers and maybe those are the most important things.

Now it seems that nothing else really matters. All the little things that get us upset or the regular routines that come our way. Just to seem not to matter anymore. I ask my self what is the purpose of live if not to just live. Then I ask God the purpose of our lives. My conclusion is that it is to serve him and to do whatever it is that needs to be done, no matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice, no matter what gets in your way, or what someone thinks. At the end of the day it is what you did for God and unto God that will echo in eternity. Its what we do now that determines our eternity and what will ring once we are there.

My prayers and thoughts are with Bo and all those who knew her Mom and all those who are their friends. I am so glad that Bo is still with us, I praise God that she is still alive.

Its a sad day but I must rejoice for Bo's life. He has got good plans for her.
Nothing else matters except what will echo in eternity:)

I obeyed and was taken to a new place

All I can say is that I have been brought into new levels of worship this past weekend. God is moving and propelling us to new heights in our church and in our wings of worship group.

Preparing for the workshop was tiring none the least but the rewards where Huge. All I can is that God is Awesome and he knows what he is doing for sure.

Tammy Harris obeyed God and when he told her to do this workshop. She listened I think that God came and did some really amazing things.

The whole day on Saturday was learning different worship styles and dances, Worshiping, break breakthroughs, and healing.

I tried my best to be a help to Tammy and make her feel like all she had to do was worry about the ministering and teaching, I do feel like I am her armor bearer and her guard. I want to protect her and help her do what God is calling her to do.

I think that I did that. I also think that some people take me the wrong way or make even feel that I am trying to take over and be a little micromanaging. I sometimes feel like people do not take me serious when I make suggestions, but in my defense I do know what I am talking about most of the time, anyways. I am a serious planner when it comes to events. I try and think of all the little details and make sure they are completed. So maybe people don't realize the experience that I have with things like this. Anyways I am a helper to Tammy and I feel like I am suppose to be with her to support her and be there for anything she needs.

Ok so got off track a little bit. Well the workshop was awesome to say the least. There are so many things that have come out of this day. I feel like it was a defining point for me as a christian and I entered in to a new level of worship that has been so long or the first time that I experienced his presence in this way. All I can say is wow! At one point during on of our intense worship blocks I felt that I should go and neal at the alter past the veil. All I can say is that as soon as I touched beneathe the thrown behind the torn veil, I was in another place. His presence fell on me and I was never the same after that. My hands shook and my heart beated fast, I barely opened my eyes and all I saw was bright white. I was in another relm. Amazing.

Well after that, I told Kendra what I experienced and showed her what I felt under the veil. She went under the veil to the thrown and expereinced the same thing and it was amazing, she felt that she should get up because what if someone want to come here and she said that God said to her "No its ok, no one wants to come back here" I sobbed when I heard that, I was amazed and what I had felt. His presence is so real and there is no denying that.

Then at the River Service. Some of us where suppose to dance special dances by our selves and well I felt I should do a mime and when I was looking for a song I came across this one and I felt this is what I should do. Well weeks later I found out that the youth were doing a drama to this one too and I was a little disapointed to say the least and searched and searched for another one to do. Well God said No and this is wanted me to do and be obident to what he wanted me to do.

Well I was really nervous about this because this was my first time as a Mime by myself. If you have others with you it is much easier. But This is what happend. I went out and the song began. All of a sudden I knew that it wasnt me doing what I was doing, it was God. He was guiding and directing my every move. There was one point where the song goes As the God man passes by he looked straight into my eye, when that happened I literally felt it was God looking at me and my body collapsed. I was crying through the whole this. It wasnt me at all, I just did what he asked me to do. I am not sure how people felt about what they saw, but I know that when I was doing that song that I was brought to a new high that I had never experienced and it was amazing. God is awesome, Just do what he asks you to do and you will make it and will be better than anything that you can ever imagine or think or dream or ask for. He is such a great big God and he showed me that. HE IS BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Opinions

Now that we have and new president elect, I have to say that I am dissapointed. I definately have strong opinions on abortion rights and other moral issues. So I am very dissapointed but I am not bitter about this because I feel that this is what was going to happen anyways. So I must be in prayer more than ever for our country and our leaders. Its not a suprise!

As a christian I feel that we must let our voice be heard and I feel that going against his word is a scary thing. Yes I will pray for our new president but I wont agree and support everything that he stands for, because I feel like I cant moraly and what Christians feel. We now have the most liberal sentater as president, that will be interesting to see what happens in the next 4 years.

I am proud that I am an american and I can have an opionion about things and that I can voice them without feeling like I am wrong. I think that everyone on either side can voice their opions and we shouldnt bash another views because that is what makes america is opionions and voices.

America is a good country as far as the availablility to prosper but I think that we give a lot of false hopes to other countries. For example people from like the Philippines are so despirate to come to the US(where my brother is a missionary) but they dont understand that it is hard and our nation is centered around money. While there they can grow their own food and they can use their own land, but here you have to have money to eat. But I dont have strong opinions about the the election and I am a prolifer and I still believe that is the most important thing is that we are leaglizing murder. That just astounds me to.

But I dont feel like I am bitter or feeling hate. I just feel caucious and feel like our new future president needs to be gaurded in much prayer for he does have a difficult road ahead and I pray that he makes the right choices.

I am proud of how McCain gave his consession speach and I think that this may open the Door for governer Palin to run for president, I really hope so anyways. I think that would be awesome.

I also pray for our troops and the wars going on and that they right choices are made there because it will be come a sticky situation if we leave too soon. I feel we must make the right choices in order to make things a success.

Ok that Is all I have to say for now, Yes I am proud to be an American and yes I am not real exicted but I know that God is still in control. God Bless!

Leap of Faith

Wow I can believe that it is already Mikes first day at his new Job. Read my other blog about the story of getting this new job.

Today is our first day walking in the ridicolous miracle that God has given us. We have to be faithful and we must be always ready to give back to God what he is his and be ready as the increases come that we first thank him for his Goodness and his grace.

This is a big step of faith because his prior job was a very comfortable job that he had been at for several years and was a very stable job. Then you probably ask why would you start looking for another job if you are stable in this one. Well Mike and I decided that inorder to get your ridicolous miracle that sometimes God wants you to take steps to get there. He wants you to trust that he is guideing your every move and your every step.

Sometimes we can get comfortable where we are at and not realize that God has something much much much more than we ever expected. His old job was about comfort and was actually so comfortable that you can get lazy in the sense that you are not trying to improve and that you dont have anything to look forward to as far as promotions.

Mike is the type that will give his all at whatever he does, nothing less than the best from him. So even though he was doing the work that no one wanted to do and that no one was willing to do he did it with no complaints, he worked every holiday like thanksgiving and christmas eve and christmas day for the last several years because no one wanted to do those days. He is so dedicated to whatever he does. I admire him for that. I was really tired of seeing the fruits of his labor no go noticed, although God does notice them. But when it came time for raises, the raises did not reflect his work ethic and didnt not reflect all that he gave. He never really complained about that either. But among other things, Mike was drawing closer to God and everyone at his old company wasnt and none of them are christains and live like world. Sad to know that they all need Jesus. I am sure that Mike will always pray for them because that is our duty and maybe now they will come to church since mike dosent work with them. Who knows.

God is awesome is all that I know. In order for you to grow in your daily walk with the Lord you have to take leaps of Faith, you have to take those steps out of your comfort zones and break the velvet handcuffs that are so keeping us away from the things of God. We try to tell our selves that were not chained down because they feel some comfortable, but those hand cuffs are what is slowly destorying us.

Ok I can go on forever, so I will quit now. But God is awesome to take that Leap of faith that he is calling you to take. Just Take it.

Trust Me I know what I am doing!

So Mike and I have been praying and asking God when will we get ours? Its is coming? where is it at? All these kinda questions run through our minds. But as we have been praying and asking God what to do, we felt that God was calling us to take steps on our own behave and that we had to apply ourselves. So we both started applying for Jobs. But nothing has came up and nothing happened. We started to fell like ok God what is happening here? So we just needed to trust him more. Well Here starts the good part, a job that Mike had applied for called and wanted an interview. That was out of the blue.

Let me tell you about how the favor Of God works on someone. They really wanted Michael and choose him over someone who had more knowledge, but loved mikes honesty and integrity. Well the first offer was not real inticising and was riskey so Mike took another step of faith and turned down the job. We prayed hard and asked God to open or close the door if it wasn't right. We thought that was the end of it since we turned it down.

Well the door didn't close and it seemed to open wider that is was before, because that company pretty much said what will it take to get you to work for us? What employer does that? In this economy who does that? Wow I just know it was the favor of God on Mike (I am sure he can tell it better)and that is a ridiculous miracle because no one called him for a job no where. He even applied for part time jobs:)

Its hard to leave security and trust God will do what he says he will. Now we got to keep our eyes on him and you can walk on water.

Live life we no regrets and do what the father is tell you to. Just Trust me:)

Taking the first step is a doosie but then once we step out we wonder why we never did that before.

What holds you back?

We all have things that hold us back from the fullness of God and what he has for us.
Its like we need to be set free everyday of the crap that we face day to day.

I know that know that I love to worship and praise his name. I feel like I am a praiser and a prophetic one at that. I don't say that to boast by no means, i think that it is scary in a sense because you become vulnerable with no preplanned practice and you just let it flow.

I play the saxophone and I know that talent was given to me by God. I play by ear and have been in a church that I could flow prophetically in that before.

When I came to New Vision Ministry Center I thought that I should play the Saxophone here, but I feel that God has a time a season for everything. Even though that is a passion for me to play, but it is more of a passion to come out of my comfort zone and worship him doing the flags and dancing before his name. I never had done that before but always wanted to deep down in my heart.

Now that I have been with wow for several months. I really feel that this is going to be a great calling and it is something that I want to do and worship his name no matter who is watching. There are so many thoughts that the enemy tries to put into my head when we do flags or dance on Sunday. Like for example, you look dumb, people will think that you are fake, people will think you are just putting on a show, etc etc etc.

Mike and I came from and church we had visited for about 3 months that didn't really agree with any type of worship expression, they played rock style music but weren't accepting and thought that it would scare people away. We essentially got called into the office and were rebuked in a weird way. I cant keep my worship in a box, I don't think that I will carry a cross to hide my worship, I think that it is almost a sin not to worship the one that created us and saved us from our junk. wow I am starting to preach like I use to in youth, when I was young.

I have so much that I feel is bottled up inside me, I know that I am called to speak to teens and especially teen girls and pre teen girls; because of what I have gone through at their age. But I am held back.

What holds you back? I said What holds you back? What ever it is that holds you then that thing needs to be broken off your life. It needs to be taken and broken into a 1000 pieces then swept away and put in the trash.

I want Him and I want ALL that he will give me. I am going to get it no matter what anyone thinks. I am just going to do it with no fear and with boldness.

Don't be held back and let God unleash in you a potential that you never you was there.

When will I get Mine?

When will I get mine? Has been going on over and over in my mind. When will I get my miracle? The next 70 days will be ridicoulous miracles in our church, which was given by an evangelist that came. Its day 10 and there have been some pretty crazy testimonies given so far, so I keep thinking when will mine come.

Well I kinda think that we as humans tend to forget that we all are ridiculous miracles, God sent his son to die for us, when God could have taken us out a long time ago and started over, but he didn't. He wanted a type of people that would choose him no matter what, a sold out type of people. With out God we are pretty ridiculous creatures. Think about it, we are selfish, we want what feels good, and we what to do our own thing, and to God that is ridiculous.

So I am a ridiculous miracle that is still in need of help every day. So while I do believe that I am going to get a ridiculous blessing or a miracle. I realize that there is also one already taking place. ME:)

There is Power in the name of Jesus!

I found this really touching or inspiring when you think about everything negative that goes with myspace.

I put one day on my status updates that Jesus is the Answer!

Well a person that I have as a friend wrote on his Jesus is NOT the Answer!

Well to say the least about this person, they claim atheism and try to get Christians riled up, but out side that I feel that are just a wounded and broken soul that needs Jesus desperate. If you are the person I am talking about know that Jesus loves you and he will never leave you or forsake you and not matter what you have done in your life he will forgive you. He is calling out to you and wants you to serve him so that he can do greater things through you that you have never imagined:)

Anyways My space deleted the comment and when they asked them why Mysapce said that they just couldn't have a comment like that or something to that effect.

I was in a state of Awe because there is Power in the name of Jesus and he will not be mocked. I smiled and laughed because He will defend his own cause. Demons and darkens tremble and flee at the sound of his name. That just sounded kinda ridiculous to me, because who would have thought that myspace would do that:)

God is awesome!

God is awesome, it was first want to start off saying. I know that he is real and the he loves each of us.

At church last Sunday a visiting evangelist came and declared that the next 70 days were going to be ridiculous miracles that are going to happen in the church or too people in the church. There was a lady that was healed from her hurting neck. There was a man that said there was no more cancer when the Doctor went and did another cat scan. Amazing stuff.

So I began to think about ok God if something is going to change in my life what is it going to be. I am starting to get impatient and say I want it now. I need a change in our finances in my business I need something to change. So I am expecting God to do something so amazing in my families life and it will bring many to know Jesus.

I have a couple of friends that are real consertative christians, they dont think you can talk in tounges and people that do it are just making it up and that they just get worked up, I told them that I can speak in tounges at anytime, and that I can control it. They didnt understand how you can say something that you dont understand, and I said exactly no one understands it or its call believeing and trusting God. To the human it sounds ridicoulous dosent it, but when you see it with the spirit then you know its real.

There are those who have desired to speak in tournges and to receive God gifts on their life and I feel that God is fixing to answer their desires and their longings. Its sounds ridicoulous to the human mind, but its going to be great:)

I know it, its going to be awesome:) Tomorrow about this time.........somethings gonna change:)

PS I didnt win the lottery, actually no one did this time, but I guess that wasnt my ridicoulus miracle, lol:)

Trip to Nashville

We left last Thursday night and headed down to Nashville, Tn for a Dance conference By Lynn Hayden. She is a wonderful and talent women of God that has lead dance teams and done dance for many of years. Its awesome to see her. She brings the Holy spirit with her and is moving in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. God is really using her. One thing that she teaches or demonstrates is prophetic dance. Which is speaking in to some ones life through dance, it is awesome and like wow. She dance Prophetically over me several times and I felt the holy spirit and was moved deeply as I wept in front of a whole lot of people. It lasted Friday and Saturday and was so exhausting at times but to be in a place away from your regular cares of the world was moving. One thing she did was called breakthrough and you all get a partner and stand in a huge line and hold hands and then people started running through the line and breaking the hands as they run through. This represents breaking all the problems and junk and yuck that you have in your life. When it was my time to run, something in me started to break and when I looked down the long line to start breaking through I couldn't at first I started to cry of course, and when I started to run it was as if I was taking flight and weights were being broken and lifted, it was an amazing feeling to say the least, powerful.

There were many teachings on different types of dance and dance team related issues that were gone over. One night she did a prophetic dance called about Hiding place and it was really awesome.

We went with 8 of the ladies out of our group and getting to know each of them and see them touched was truly amazing. Each one of the them would make you laugh at different times it was really funny:)

Then Sunday night we got to ministry at a Baptist church and it was awesome. The atmosphere was so charged with acceptance and the Holy Ghost that I wondered if it was a baptist church, the people were baptist the church was baptist but the Holy Ghost was there. The pastors wife came in to our room before we started and when she left she said I feel the Holy Ghost in here. Then when we did our first song it was like wow Im feeling it. I played the sax to them doing some flags to Light the fire song, it was intense and tiring, then we did our other songs and some of our group gave testimonies and some sang and the whole thing was the most awesome experience and it showed Gods love, mercy, forgiveness, peace and that he in the worship of him. It was awesome!!

Well as I put on my Twitter messages God moved in a special way for one person in our group that night. There leg had been hurting all day and she could not stand on it all day and was struggling and struggling all day, Well when she went to do her dance I felt in my spirit that she was healed and then she started leaping and jumping for joy it was like wow, God just healed her. It was amazing and such a beautiful thing. God is so great and he is wonderful. We were all in shock and awe of what God plans our for our lives, here we thought that we were going to go to this conference and be touched so much and then the very thing that touched us was us ministering to a group of people that needed to be ministered too. It was a high Awesome!!!!!!! Yeah I am so happy:)

The trip

We finally got down here to nashville, that was a long trip, seemed like it took forever and ever. craziness. The women are really funny and each have their own personalities. god is going to do some great things tomorrow and I can wait for the conference to really get started. Its gonna start tomorrow and hopefully we will be ready to get going in the morning. God bless and we will get more info tomorrow about the conference when we get back to the hotel.

I stink, You stink, we all stink :)

I have learned one thing is that I am a stinking human who is in constant need of a savior. NO ONE is perfect and if you think that you don't stink then let me tell you, you do. But that's OK I know someone that will make you smell very good.

I try to love everyone, but its hard and I choose to do it, but I am a failure at that too. But just think of the sweet smell of the holy spirit that would be sent forth when we choose to contain our anger and our unwholesome and non worthy blabbing. Talking, bragging, boasting, is something that people get tired of hearing. Belive me I hear it and I think wow I hope that I dont do that, so I try (sometimes fail at it) not to do that. I found in life that Observing is the best way to be, you dont anything, you just let everyone else say all the unnecessary things and then bam thats it, You only speak if you feel that Holy spirit guiding you to speak.

Reading the love chapter 1 Corinthians 13 over and over, and the scripture that says a soft answer turns away wrath is pricless.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Psalms 15:1

Live by this and people will either be touched or get even more mad, is what I found. So when I really want to let someone have it, the best thing is to not give into that anger.

I have heard about Karma and that what Goes around comes around, to tell you the truth I think that was made up by someone who is angry and bitter and what jurt by someone and wanted to see them fall and they took in that persons heart ache. I dont like to see it when someone gets hurt or falls, or is having a rough time, I dont, even if they may deserve it.

Here is a great story one for the books on this topic:

To say the least I was in a bad relationship when I was young, with this guy who physically abused and verbally hurt me, I was really a mess. well that lasted for 2 years when one day God brought me back to him. (High School is when all that happened) well It was a couple of weeks before prom and everyone was getting all in a tizzy about who they were taking, what they were wearing, and well that guy who was such a jerk to me was working on his car one day on the side of the road when his raidator blew up right in his face, messed his skin all up, it looked really bad. I couldnt beleive what I had heard and someone said to me dosent that make you feel good after how he treated you, my flesh wanted to say yes yes yes yes, but I knew that I should not deliet in someone elses pain, it just didnt seem right. yeah he was bad and hurtful and took me a while to get over it. But it is not my place to wish revenge on someone. ... Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Romans 12:19. I feel that anything that would do would be more than I could to do someone anyway, but why live with hate, malice, anger, bitterness, and all that ulgy stuff, it will eat at you and eat at you till it destroys you.

Those are my thoughts for today, I cant wait till practice tonight for the wings of worship I think that it is going to be awesome.

Here is a thought!

In order to be truly free and move in God, we have to begin to accept our selves for who God made us to be. we are all different shapes and sizes and there is no right size. It doesn't matter what people think because God is the one who made us, every fiber of our being he made and he is our Creator. When someone says negative things about us they are talking about God, because we are his image. So they better watch out. That is just a thought that I was having this morning:)

Give him our all

So i have been studying some and reading different books about mimeing and some devotionals about using our bodies to please God.

So here are some thoughts about praising and worship God.

He made us and formed us so why not trust him to do his thing with us.

We should use our body, soul, and spirit to give him our whole being, everything we got. We should give it back to him. With out the sacrifice of Jesus his only begotten son, the ultimate show of love, there would be nothing.

Psalms 138:1-I will praise thee with my whole heart...

Psalms 9:1- I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.

2 Corinthians 10:5-casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ
(when we obey God and don't give into the wrong thoughts then we are worshiping God)

We need to praise, honor, obey, and exhaust him so our appetites will be after him and the things of him and that we will come to a place that we cannot get enough of what he has done for us.

Moving in God and the things of God is his will and not our own, when we are prideful we are selfish, and when we are woe is me and pitiful acting we are selfish because we are stuck on our selves. we should be paying attention to the things of God and he will and he is way not our own.

Those are some random thoughts and things that I have been studying about. I could preach on this stuff. God is awesome and he is the creator and maker of all things, The Author of life is what I like to say. He writes that pages in my book, he is the director of my movie. Ok I could go on but I am not. God Bless all.

Always be ready to Listen.

I think that silence is a wonderful thing, you can hear things that you either never heard or you have taken for granted.

Sometimes God is wanting us to do certain things and we dont hear his voice. It could be that we are ment to bless someone with money or food, or a gift and if we dont hear what God is saying we could rob someone of a blessing that God is intending for us to give them, now if you dont do want he is wanting you to do there may be someone that does it and takes your place to do it, but one thing for sure is that if you dont do what God tells you to do that it wont have the greatest impact that it could of had.

So go in freedom to listen to what God is telling you to do, dont be quick to answer and blab stuff, just take time to speak, because that is wisdom knowing when to talk and when to listen, which I am in need of some wisdom.

So Go and try to listen to others and to God, just be quiet and see what could happen:)

Moving in the Prophetic

There are so many things to say about the Prophetic.

I like this verse because it speaks to those who someone may think is too young to understand the things of God, It talks about having prophetic words spoken over you. Its really neat.

1 Timothy 4:12-16

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit,^[b] in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. 14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. 15 Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. 16 Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

1 Corinthians 14:1
1 Pursue love, and desire spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy.

2 Peter 1:19-21
19 And so we have the prophetic word confirmed,^[a] which you do well to heed as a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts; 20 knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation,^[b] 21 for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God^[c] spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.

Moving in the Prophetic is so cool, when I say that I mean that when you totally give yourself over to God and the Holy spirit moves on you and and you feel him then do you dance, speak, worship, or whatever God has you do. The bottom line is that you give yourself over to God and move in his will and open your heart to him totally. Awesome stuff it is. But remember that Love is still the most important thing and without it there is nothing else.

The Freeman does not belong to himself!

So I came across this and was actually stopped at what this means. The freeman does not belong to himself but to the one who set him free.

How awesome is that! We have been singing about freedom to worship God in church and also I have been studing about freedom him in many different ways. This saying says it all and brings me to a place that makes me realize that when Jesus set us free, that we then belong to him. So when we worship and when we live in this world we should remember that everything we do we should to him who set us free. HE, JESUS Set us free and we should remember that he is the only one that can do that. ONLY through him can we truly be free to worship him. We are giving back to him when we worship in his freedom because he gave it to us.

That is so cool!!!

There is a season for everything!

This one thing has been echoing in my mind. I have been hearing it in church and small groups. That there is a season for everything. Meaning for me is that I am not going to be doing just one talent all my life. That God may have me doing worship music with my sax on time and then working in the nursery another. Or doing flags during worship or just being silent.

The key is that we have been in constant prayer and communication with Jesus in order to hear what it is we are suppose to be doing in our lifes. That sometimes our own agenda, or our faults, or self conscious views get in the way of what it is that God is wanting us to do.

The point is listen to what God is wanting you to do for that season and do it the best that you can and give your all back to him:)

Refreshing Time

My family have been really getting back to the heart of what worship really is and what it means. I am talking about worshiping God and giving back to him all the talents and knowledge that he has given us. I dont want to be ashamed of what God has done, is doing, and will do for us. Without him we are nothing. I dont care what people think of me or how I worship or whatever. I think that God will be the judge of us in the end and he will say to us, why were you ashamed of me and why havent you worshiped me with all your heart and mind and soul. I think that worship comes in many different ways, it comes in music, singing, playing instruments, tithing and offerings, using our talents for him, sharing the love of God with others I feel is a form of worship. I also think that we should show him physical expression such as dancing, or running if we feel lead to run, or whatever we feel lead to do for his name then I feel that we shouldnt be afraid and just do it. God is the one who saved us and gave us his only son so that we might live in eternity with him, he made us, created us, and breathed life into us. How dare we not praise his holy name, how dare we not, is what I say. Oh well that is what I have to say for now. Take care and God bless!

Old time Jail House~Lets eat in Death Row!

Last night my family and some friends ours when to eat that this pizza place that use to be an old jail house. You can see the Ohio river from the windows, great view but I am sure that old building had some stories to tell. As we looked aroung the place, it was pretty iron foretified and looked escapable, But up stairs was the ones that they put on death row, you can actually eat in those. Now that I think about it, it is a wierd and morbid concept. To eat where someone had been miserable and burdened was really sad. There was this one spot that had a trap door, and above the trap door was a place that they put nooses for hangings. As you walked over the trap door which is now covered you can see the place where they hung the ropes. I was a little saddened as my heart felt heavy. Not necessaryly feeling ghosts or anything but feeling that there possible might be some injustice that still is presence there. Meaning that maybe people were done injustly and put to death. As a chrisitian I beleive that demonic presences are real and that they are evident in life. its like you can sense a place where the devil lives and where the blood of Jesus hasnt been preached or pleading of this building. and in the rooms of death row. I cant imagine the pain or the evil that has resided there. but upon leaving I prayed for Jesus to cover us and that nothing would bother us as we left. I will always remember that there is hope for all even someone in a jail cell that Jesus is every where, even if we dont feel his presence, he is still there and sees everything and know everything, and that if something was done unjustly that he would have the last say in all things. anyways I guess that the food was good, but I probably wont be back there again or anything soon.

Freedom to Worship the Creator

In the last couple of months my family and I have been discussing the try meaning of worship and how we are suppose to worship and give back to God for all that he has done for us.

Several months ago my husband was touched by God in a worship service that was going on at the church that we were attending at that time. God moved on him and he ran in the church. He ran to the back area and wasnt showing off or anything like that. The worship was great by something quenced that ignition that made my husband and I take a deeper look at worshiping God. Well what happened was the pastor of that church stopped him and told him that he was "freaking People out man" were the exact words. I was deeply sadden by this because there were so many people that thanked mike for stepping out to worship God. The one who created us and saved us from all our sin, who gave his ONLY son so that we could go to heaven. How can we hold everything back and just play church and sit and not praise the glorious one who made is all possible. we talked with that pastor at a later date and we were not impressed or felt that we should stay there. Pretty much we felt that is was a church made for a certain type of people and all werent as welcome as I thought. They didnt want to scare anyone away, but it seems that if someone wants to be scared away they really do want to be there. I am so tired of the new types of churches that come in and sit and dont ingage with Jesus. It seems that they are ashamed of what God has done. I dont want to please man and the only one we should please is God. We didnt leave that church with harsh words or anything but I did state that if they dont realize that the church belongs to God not them and that he created us all to be free to worship and free to run. and free to live for him, without worring about offending someone.

I guess that belief is that when you subdue your urge to praise that you are dying to slef and not giving to the flesh and that there are other ways to worhsip, the other ways to worship part is so ture. You give of your money, time and talents. You share with others the love of God.

All in all I have found that there is NO freedom when you have to worry about offending people. That so what if we do offend them, its not by our own selves that any one will accept Jesus, it is his calling and he pursuing that engages them not us. Sure we do the sowing and plant seeds and nurture, train, and counsel them but we dont save anyone, it is only him that can do that. So when it is true worship and when some runs, jumps, shouts or praises God however it is God who will judge if it is right or not.

So we left that church becuase we knew our hearts was to be in constant worshipful and pursuing after him with everything, I mean everypart of our lives. and to find a church that freedom reigns.

We are exicted to know that we have found that place and that Going to New Visions Ministry Center is awesome. You see people getting saved all the time, you see that God is doing it, and that his presence is here. He is doing something for the city of Louisville with this Church and he is bringing back the worship to him. Worship and have a relationship with him and EVERYTHING else will fall into place. Accept him as the LORD of your life with Jump Start everthing. It will be hard and it will be tough, but I always say GOd wont give you anything that he didnt think that you couldnt handle.

Go out there and worship him, share the love of God, be a friend, mentor, and person of his name.

Train derailment-January 16,07-update on God’s Goodness

When a train derailed approximately 100 meters from my front door, needless to say, my families life was changed forever.
On January 16, 2007 was a day that I will never forget. At the time I was approx 6 weeks pregnant. My 2 1/2 year old son was still asleep in bed while I was awake with morning sickness stairing at the ceiling. At about 8:30 am in on that tuesday morning I heard the usual rumble of the train tracks go by, but something didnt feel right in the air. It started to get louder and louder, my house windows shook and I immediatley thought its a tornado, then I said wait its not storming, I ran across the house to my sons room, but before I picked him I peaked through his blinds, and saw the most scary thing I had ever saw. A hugh ball of flamed rose over 100 feet into the air, the heat was so hot I could feel it through the glass window. I was in total awe of this crazy explosion. I think I said oh crap or somehting like that and scooped up my son and began getting clothes and things ready to get out of the house. I called my husband at work and told him what happened and he really didnt believe me at all, but soon realized I was not joking at all. He immediately tried to come and get me because the road to our house is right next to the tracks and he knew I couldnt drive out. I looked out side again to see the train had derailed and was in flames and the the black smoke filled the air and was comming toward our house. I was scared and remember praying god please protect my unborn baby. My husband urged me to go to the neighbors to the back of me, so i gathered everything I thought I might need which was not much. My son got himself dressed (which he never done before) and was ready to go. we left the house and the whole time he kept trying to look at what was going on. The neighbour actually took a picture of us leaving with the black smoke filling the air. We stayed at the neighbours hosue till we were told to leave by the fire department, but at this time my neighbours were trying to take of their dogs cause the own a kennel. So I told them that I was leaving. The fireman said you have to walk across the field to go around the fire. I was like uhhh ok if thats what I got to do. Well try holding your 2 1/2 year old and being pregnant while walking across a field of unmowed grass with lots of animal waiste, It was approx 2 or more acres. That was craziness. I was reunited with my husband who was not allowed to come to house but was only allowed to stay at a road block. I did take one last look and new that I would never see the house that was again, and I was right, we never moved back into that house again. I ended up loosing the baby, which was really hard. After approx 6 or so months of living in hotels, apartments, and other places. We finally settled with the train company. We dont own that house anymore, we have another one, which is better. We dont live near the tracts anymore. I have to say that I thank God that it had rained a couple of days before which made the rail cars sink instead of slide into our houses. God spared our lives. we have to trust him and listen to him and he will guide our paths. Over a year later I now have a new son which I would not have had. He is an absolute joy and I thank God for him. Its hard for people to understand that everything we owned was either cleaned or thrown away, and we didnt get anything back for at least 6 months. That was a long 6 months of having my 2 year old scared of any loud noise and be afraid to sleep on his own. I never want to do that again, he was out of routine and I know he must have been stressed, but I am sure God helped him deal with it, cause he was happy just being with us and holding us. home is not the building you live but the people that you cant replace is where its at. God is good!

Sunday Testimony!

My familiy and I are currently going to New Vision Ministry Center. Last Sunday was such an awesome experience that I will never forget.

I know that people never want to admitt what we need to work on. Like if its our attitudes or whatever.

I have pretty much been saved all my life, since I was 6, I was filled with the holy spirit and spoke in toungues around that time too. I have been witnessing and sharing with others ever since I was young. My family always reading the bible together every night. So you can say that I have been with God for a long time, But even though I had all that, I dont think that I had a true relationship with God until I was about in the 9th grade. But something happend to me when I was in high school that made me turn and run away from God. I met this boy that was good at first but he ended up being no so great. He turned from God himself and became and very mean and controling boyfriend. One thing that I read was that young girls go though a time where they start their self esteem over when they become a teenager. That is the truth for sure. That boy emotionally abused me, I was constantly told that I was trash, or squashable like a bug, or no good. I began to believe this, even though that I would not admitt this to any one. He did not respect me at all. There were times that I was physically abused by that same boy. I was slammed against the wall and no one cared, not even the teacher. After approx 2 years of living under this control and negative influence, needless to say I was pretty messed up. I was angry and alone.

I didnt have any friends because I didnt want to hear I told you so's. I didnt feel like I had anyone to tell this too because when you have gone through different situations the last thing you need to hear from someone is I told you so's. I was very emotionally unstable and I didnt trust anyone,

I was set free from the relationship and did get back to church, but not until last sunday after 9 years of thinking that I was over this did I realize that I wasnt. I still believe that I wasnt worth anything or no one likes me. I just know that the words that we speak to others can never be taken back and once we say something it could have a great impact over the rest of our lives. without Gods help true healing cannot take place.

I would like to say that sunday I was emotionally healed and that what I held on to for so long and that was pushed deep in side my sould was brougt to the surface and was finally over. When I heared the message on sunday I saw things in my own heart and soul that I knew that this message was for me. Before I was at the alter I knew that I had to go up there. I knew God said that this was for you. It was for me. Thanks for New Vision Ministry center in Louisville.

I know kow that I have a passion for young girls and teens in general to know that the choices that they do now could affect them forever. When I see young girls in this kind of emotional stress I see their pain, I feel it so strong. No matter how strong with think we are and how close we might feel that we dont have to read the bible or worship God or to be in his presence that isnt true. we must every day choose to love and be with him, we must choose it every day to take up the banner and run a marathon for his name sake.

No matter how great your relationship is with God it dosent matter. we must daily train ourselves and never stop. we have to take a look deep within and heal those hurting places in our hearts. we must admit our failures and our pains and give them to God.

Just give everything over to the lord and know that he is your only source of strength and that he only can be the one to heal all your pain and your inner most thoughts and struggles.

The Unexpected

In dealing with the unexpected death of a dear friend and xco-worker. I found my self giving into my feelings of the purpose of life. I asked God what is the purpose of life if we all are going to die, and no one will remember us and people will continue on and no one will remember. I realized that I was going over in to deeper waters of a slight depression. But I started to change my attitude when I was reminded that our life is no about this physical body,its about what we do for jesus and what we give back to him for letting us live to the point that we are at. Without his mercy, love, and forgivenss we all would have parrished a long time ago. I am blessed to be alive and live for the amount of time that I have so far. I often think about the two miscarriages that I lost, my babies that I never got to physically hold, I think about how one of them was with me during a awesome mission trip to Mexico and how they got to feel Jesus moving through me and touching others. That was all they needed to know that they wanted to be with him forever. Wow I think about getting to heaven a meeting my babies for the first time, they will be there to great me and that is all the reconigition that I need for this earth. My welcome home party is what I like to call it.

Death is something that will come to all of us, some sooner than others, but God's plan for our lives is much bigger than we can ever imagine. You never know the people that you will touch just by your everday walk and talk with God.

So all in all, Jesus took it all and nothing I experience will ever comepare to his sacrific and that my feelings are not what motivates me. Its seeing my babies in heaven one day and getting others to see them with me. So whatever that cost will be I will serve his name. Jesus the name above all names.

Ok I am done, I could talk and preach, and teach all day.

Ryder is so funny, he was so cute trying to eat these and gagging at the same time, at least he tried to eat them. He was a trooper:)

Who cares what others think, I will be what God has made me!

Some times I get down and out and feel just really like crap. Then I remember that I was made in the image of God and that when someone talks about me and or puts me down or is negative to me that they are being that way to God, since I was made in his image. If I do that to others I am also doing that to do God, so with that in mind I try to focus and remember that God made everyone for a reason and no matter what we may think or feel about them he has his reasons, By us being able to forgive wrongs that are done to us, can create such a sweet frangrance of love for that person who was the one that had done something is amazing. God's love is endless and is mercyful and knows no boundaries. One sin is that same as another, One thing that God taught me when I was in Mexico ministering at the prision out side of Ciudad Juarez, was that even though I was in the presence of gang members, murders, theifts, and sexual offenders and God knows whatever else. That their sins where no different in the eyes of God than mine. I found my self being able to see them as people and friends of God and men of God inside this prision. They were the most loving and forgiving people that I ever met. It was amazing to here the stories and testmonies of these men, God is really an awesome God and only he can forgive the way that he does. I hope that In my life with God's help I can be forgiving and mercyful as him. God Bless all and know that no matter what, God Forgives and loves you. Take care!

The Boys!

Dominic at the Zoo, his favorite place.
Ryder going alone for the ride:)
Get this out of my face mom.
Brothers!
This is some good food, mushy though, but gooood.

Whats been happening on this winedy road called life.

My husband and I have experienced a few ups and downs in the last couple of months. To say the least I think that God sometimes let us experience some trials to appreciate how much life is really a gift.

My Husband, Mike who I feel is one of the most active men I know. He is constantly working out or running several miles. He is actually working toward running in the Marine Corp Marathon in October of this year. So he can put down like 10 miles with no complaints. He ran the Derby Marathon here in Kentucky a couple of years ago and has wanted to run the Marine one in washington DC since he is a Former Marine. In preparing for that he has had a few road blocks in his training. A couple of weeks ago he went in for a routine check up and found that his Bilirubin levels where high, which could mean a lot of things. he went to a specialist and has his liver looked at over an ultrasound and did lots of blood test and come to find out it looks like he just has high bilirubin in his blood, which is called Gilberts syndrome. Nothing big but before we found that out I was a complete wreck, and worry came over me like a dark could, but I asked for prayer for some friends and found that it helped and lifted the dark could i called worry away.

Then everything was going good and my husband who has been working out and running and digging fence holes for a privacy fence we are installing, started having problems breathing in deep, that progressed worse to where he couldnt lay down or on his side and couldnt cough because it gave him so much pain. So we went to the ER, U of L Er which was the first time we had been there, it was actually kinda dirty place it seemed, but he was seen fairly quickyl and put on the heart montior and EKG to make sure that there where not heart issues going on. Well that turned out fine and come to find out his Chest X-ray showed that he might have a slight case of Pneumonia going on, so they gave him heavy anitbiotics to clear it up. So all his progress for training in the marathon was haulted and the fence was haulted and anything else that is heavy straining. BLahhhhhhhhh,

But with some prayers said Mike is definately improving and getting better and better, so hopefully he will start getting back to a routine again.

Ryder is already 4 month and a couple weeks old and is getting stronger and stronger. He is tall and growing.

Dominic is trying to be in everything wanting to learn and has figured out that he can play video games. He is learning and talking at a fast paced and wanting to soak everything in and even memecking our personalities, that is scary. So I am challenged to watch every little thing I do because he will sure copy it. Thats good motivation to change the yucky parts of me.

So next week we head to Arkansas to see my grandparents and doms first time in Arkansas, that will be interesting.

I guess that is all for now, one thing I do know is that God is so incontrol of everything and nothing goes unnoticed or unloved because he is there.

God Bless!

Mike being silly at a baby shower.


Dominic one day at the Zoo.


Grandpa with Baby Ryder Francisco Garcia(4 months old)


Dominic showing me where countries are on the map, probably pointing to the Philippines where uncle chris and Aunt Cathee, and cousin Samuel live.


Ryder doing what he does best, Smiling:)

God is Awesome!!

I find myself in constant remembrance that God is truly awesome and it shows in everything. In hanging with my 4 year old son almost everyday I have a new found love of nature and the tinyest of things. I have found a new love of earth worms, moths, wasps, birds, and pretty much anything that his little eyes can notice, which is everything. We cant walk a few steps with out him taking the time to smell the flowers and I mean smelling the flowers. I have found it relaxing to look through the eyes of a child once again. It shows that God did take the time to create a beautiful place that each animal and living creature has a place a purpose. even if those purposes are for annoyance or bothersome.

In the bible it talks about speaking as a child and I think that has come to mean to mean stop analyzing everything and take it for what it is. If it is a spider then its a spider.

Kids are awesome.

My hairless cat Ivy is also like a child and I find that I get on to her as much as my four year old. I look at her and learn that everyone needs to be loved even if they dont look or act like we may. Everyone was created in the image of God, I am talking about humans. Animals are important but Humans are much more important. They are the ones that have souls and are the hardest to love. Which is where God calls us to it to labors of love. Anyways thats all for now I can go on and on if I want to. GOD IS AWESOME!!

Whatever I got to be God, I'll be for you.

This something that has come up in the last couple of days. No matter who says I cant do something when I feel God is telling me to do it. I wont listen, I dont care what people think about how I worship and praise God and what is acceptable and not acceptable. If God says worship me this way or I feel the need to get a little lively then I will. I want to praise and honor God with everything that is with in me, not just become part of the church pew or seats. We say we are different from regular churches or traditional churches, but we still condem in nicer more loving ways.

God whatever you want me to be, I'll be for you and no one else but you.

Baby Ryder Francisco Garcia
3weeks old



Big Brother Dominic and Ryder




Ivy the Hairless Sphynx Cat




Ivy the Hairless Cat.

Can you Juggle?

I have asked my self this question in the last couple of weeks. I feel like I am juggling everything in my life. My kids, husband, friends, church, house hold chores, and entertainment. I am sure that there are many things I can name that I feel are on that list. I am forced to learn how to be a juggler. I must manage my time, money, and talents. It must be effective when I do it. I must do it with all my heart. I find my self wanting to do more with church and helping others. Its hard when you havent learned the best way to time management. Sometimes I think that God does want us to learn to take care of families with all our hearts first before we can be effective in leading and helping others. If we cant take care of our families or learn to love them for who they are then how can we be the most effective in helping others see the love of God in us. So I have been trying to master the love of my family, which I think means my husband and kids. Then outside that is the other part of the family. So i have to master being the best wife and mother before I can be anything else. I was told by someone that I have been mean lately. It hurt me because I dont think that at all. Its just I am soly focused on taking care of my husband and kids and I am learning how to be the most effective with that. So its hard to focuse on anything else right now, because I feel that is where God has brought me this last past year.

So how well are you juggling your life circumstances?

All Natural Birth Experience!

WOW! That's all I can say for having experienced my second living child all Naturalllllllll. Having one son who is now 4 and then suffering 2 miscarriages both under extreme stressful situations and never having a D&C for those 2. And feeling every painful moment of those miscarriages which pretty much was labor pains.

I was almost 38 weeks along with this one. I was getting so big and miserable and never got any sleep. I had been sick for a couple of weeks with coughes, congestion, runny noses, and eye gunk. I was so ready for this child to come and for us to meet him for the first time. But nothing was happening, not even one contraction. Definately getting fustrated and more and more tired. I had been like 2 CM for 5 weeks. I was just so ready.
2
Well I read that eating Pineapple was a good way to start labor because it softens your cervix but it only works when you are pretty much ready to go. So i bought a big pineapple and ate it, it did give me some contractions but not labor, so I ate more pineapple the next day.

When I woke up on January 31st I had a pretty good contraction at 6am but no more followed for several minuites, probably like 30 to 40 min. As the day went on I went to Chick fil a like usual and then I walked around the mall once. I started to feel really tired and drained and just had no more energy. So I went home and by 11 am I started having the contractions about 15 min apart. Then a couple hours later it was like 10 min apart. They started to get more and more severe. But I knew that I didnt want to go in too early and sit all day in the hospital and wait and wait and wait. So I messaged my husband and let him know that they werent ending. I cleaned the house and did some chores, all the while contracting. Finally about 2:40pm I told my husband that I wanted him to come home because they werent stoping. So my parents came and picked up my older son(they lived 30 min away) So in the mean time from waitng till my husband came home, my dad getting my son, and us driving to the hospital it was like about 5:50pm. I walked from the car to the labor unit and was in extreme pain. The contractions had gotten so severe that I wanted to have meds. My mind was siked out but the pain and I just wanted to die. Well little did I know when the nurse checked me in the triage labor unit So was shocked to find that I was fully ready to deliver at any moment. The head was there and I was ready. Seemed like they all went into adrenaline mode and started rushing around and trying to get a room and such. When I was in the room It was 6 pm. They tried to start an IV like 4 times and finally got it on the 5 try. But by that time it was too late to get any meds at all. So when the Dr came in I was ready to push. To say the least there was no time to build up my pushing and I had to push with all I had from the get go. Craziness I tell ya. With in 5 hard pushes and feeling like I was in the world series or the super bowl fixing to make the winning touchdown or run. Everyone was encouraging and cheering me on. I grunted and probably made a couple of screams and finally the baby head was out, his sholders felt hugh and I didnt think I could push him out. But I did and he was 7 lb 7 ounces. Baby Boy. Ryder Francisco Garcia finally entered the world. It was over! and thank God the contractions were gone.

I have been told by my former marine husband that Pain is weakness leaving the body, but after that I just felt plain week. everyone thinks I am awesome but all I felt was tired and just wanted to sleep. But I did have the control over my body. So if you need meds, get them. If you think you want to do it natural then try it but leave the option for meds.

God made our bodys so awesome and that I can hardly believe that he lived inside me for Nine months. It just seems unbelieveable. God is good.

1/16/2008 1 year Anniversary of CSX Train Derailment

Wow, its been a year since a CSX train derailed infront of my house carring several different types of Chemicals. 3 of which exploded and spilled out and burnt for several days. It left living in a hotel for several weeks, then an apartment for several months. We choose not to go back to the house because I was approx 6 weeks prego at the time and then I miscarred approx a week later. So we just decided that no matter what we did not want to go back to live there. It took 6 months for CSX to settle with us a come to agreement. But we finally settled and were done with the whole process. We choose not to take legal action because they would not have bought our house and we wanted it to be over so we could move on and not be bitter with everything that has happened to us. God took care of me and my 2 year old at the time. I had to leave my home carring my 2 year old while I prego approx over 4 acres of land to find rescue personnel. There was fall out falling from the sky all the while. When I took one last look of how my home looked it like my mind took a pict that I will never forget and will never go back to. We are now living in another house. Settled with the train co. and moving on. I am not approx 36 weeks and 4 days prego today, Glad my baby didnt come today, that would have been wierd.

We are sorry for the losses we have had but are anxiously awaiting arrival of our new baby boy. He has no name yet and it seems to be getting harder and harder to figure out one. but hopefully soon we will decide on one.

I am thankful to God who has brought me thus far. Mike and I are defiantely stronger in our marriage and family. We know that with God you can handle anything and that there is an end to all things which means there has to be a begining. So All in All God is so Good and knows what he is doing all the time. He is awesome for sure. Take care and God Bless!