So here I am just pondering some changes in me over the last couple of weeks. I have heard and read and listened to many different things that all kinda said some of the same things.
When I was a younger around 8 and 9th grade I had such a relationship with God that I still feel like I dont have now. I made some really bad choices and chose relationships with certain people over a ever lasting non failable relationship with the only one who can really complete me and that is the one who made me in my mothers womb. The Author of all LIFE. Jesus.
I use to praise God with everything that was in me, I was so in love, I sought after his love day and night, I was relentless in my persuite of his glory that it was always on my mind.
But through lots of series of choices that I made, i pretty much choose a boy over Jesus's endless love. I have blogged about that before. Yes it was the one that I was emotionally abused, physically abused, and controlled by. Even though I was brought up in a good home with a praying mom I still chose death. I really feel like I literally died during the course of those years of bad really bad choices that I being a christian knew better than to make.
I meat a wonderful man who loves God and is a awesome man, cant say enough about the great things he does to support me and our wonderful kids.
I have never got back to that place I use to be with Jesus, I have persued but not with everything like I used to, I have prayed but not with everything like I use to. So then I wonder why nothing is changing.
I cant live off what was use to be, I cant live off how I was a victum, I cant live off my own thoughts, feelings, actions or anything else of me.
I can only live by grace and mercy of the father that is always there with his arms wide open. I dont understand why some really bad things happen to good people. I dont understand why people are suffering from pointless causes and illnesses or hunger, But I do one thing and that is Jesus is the only answer to anything. He may not heal your sickness, he may not feed your hungry body, But what he can give no one else can give, I mean NO ONE can give.
He gaves his own life and was beaten so that our sins, our mistakes, our hurts, our dark places could find peace and assurance that everything is gonna be alright.
When you walk with Jesus you are assured that you are safe even though you have tornados and hurricanes in your life.
So anyways with all this said I have had the prividledge to get to minister through mime and to teach a group of people mime. I can that I am encouraged by one of the members that is on the team. they remind me every day that no matter what we should give him our praise.
Yes people are gonna talk when you just start screaming, jumping, running, spinning, or what ever it is you might do when praiseing him, but that is ok. My lord is worthy to be praised and he should have nothing less than the praises that I have to give, sometimes I dont feel like it but I am sure he didnt feel like getting on that crosss and being nailed to that tree but he did so that I might live. I just have to praise him in my trails and in my hard times and in my distress.
So watch out I gotta praise, I gotta worship. If you dont like it or you get distracted then maybe you should seek your own heart and find out why you are not praiseing with me. I got something to shout about, and its his name.
You aint gonna steal my joy and peace, just because you dont like how I dance or how I shout. Shout with me. Dance with me. Get in only the joy of the lord with me.
Ok ok Ok if I go on I will really start to preach while I am dancing and shouting.
