Another year wiser, lol

I have been doing some thinking. I know I hear some of you say Uh oh, here she goes again, lol.

So my brithday was on wed and I turned (cough cough) lets just say from now on every birthday will be 25. :)

Its not soo bad, I have alot to be thankful for and God's provision providing for my family is Amazing.  A lot has happened this past year.  Lots of changes going on.  But one thing I do know in the midst of k oss and uncertainty, God's word, love, and strength never fails me. 

I hear cable and internet customers on a daily basis who are angry and upset but its not because the cable dosent work, its because of the stresses of every day life and when you sit down to relax and your cable is out,  all the frustrations then become a reality and then manifest into upset customers.

But what I really see is America as a nation of stressed, hurting, sad, and desperately Americans.  Yes many countries call us selfish and such, but growing up in America unless you seek what happens in others countries your unaware of how they live and then assume that every where is like where your at.

As I hear the stories of every day Americans, upper, middle, lower class Americans, all types,  all nationalities I see the common trend.  They just want someone to listen.  Then need someone to just listen and feel like that person feels concerned for the situation and whats going on.

So my point is,  Whether you speak to 50 people a day or whatever it is that you do throughout the day, at work, church, the store, the mall, grocery story.  Look around and see that Americans need a break meaning they need a smile, they need happiness, they need love, they need to see something different than the typical get out of my way Americans, they need to see selfless humans, who notice those around them.

So start acting like people around you exist and you will see a whole new light.  Dont get caught up in your business that you forget to share the one gift you can give that dosent cost anything, your smile and your attention.

I challenge you to take a step out of your comfort zone,  Smile, look someone in the eye, (eyes are the window to the soul) Take notice of those around you, and see the pain and hurt, and then do something, smile, notice them, say thank you, do something simple and open the eyes of your heart and you will see a whole new picture.

Sitting on Air

Ok the last Ill say 3 weeks have been really just one long blur,  Started with sickness in the house.  Both kids got sick, then I got sick, my sickness lasted for 2 weeks straight ended up on antibiotics but not able to eat for around 2 weeks,  Finally my body is recouping but now my kids are sick again with strep this time.  So now they are getting antibiotics and hopefully Ill be able to remember to give them to them.  So I am back to work and trying to get use to the swing of things again.  still have loads and mountainous piles of laundry stacked and ready for washing and to be put away.  But in all honestly will never make it on the hanger or in the drawer.  At least I do have a great hubby who says I never have to wash dishes again, which Im am surely glad for that, and so far he has kept them up to date and clean which by the way is completely awesome, :) but i am still behind on the cloths and keepin the can clean, so next stop car wash, :)

Other than that God has been teaching me sooo many different things.  Through readings and books, and even every day things and quotes and even experiences that I have came across lately.   I have really been thinking and pondering on what to do and where God wants to take my family and I. We have been searching as to what it is we are suppose to do with our lives and with our times here in Ky and for the rest of our lives.  Media in the church or media in the christian world is something we definitely want to move forward with but after having served most of the last several years in church and giving every second we had available to it we want to touch other through media, new ways to intrigue the mind, to get the creative juices flowing so that others will start to think of things they have never thought or even dreamed of before. God is soo good and amazing that I am simply amazed every second I turn around, he is there, and he is in every thing.  Welll that is all for now and all I can think of to write.  I am encouraged and knowing that Jesus loves me is all I need to dwell in his arms.

Its like something fell from the sky and hit me on the head.

Ok so here are somethings I have really been growing in my spirit lately.  I always have understood the concept of the Bride and the Bridegroom references in the bible. It has never really clicked in my heart until about a few months back when I went to a womens conference.  It wasn't the conference that made it click it was God wooing me to something much much much more than just a regular church mentality.  It was simply amazingly wonderful. 

I was simple in love for a few days with the lover of my soul.  yes it showed in my attitude and everything else.  But then I began to fade a little bit and revert back to my old ways.    Then I feel like something fell out of the sky and hit me on the head as to say wake you sleepy head its time to prepare for the wedding day is at hand.  My soul awoke and I began what I call wooing, pursuing, and longing to see my King. 

You see life is not about, all the problems, events, and troubles we are facing.  Its not about going to church to get something or to receive kudos for following a commandment.  Its about going past the outer courts and into the Holy of Holies.  We take for granted what this means.

I have read through again the God chasers book by Tommy Tenny and I have recently found another one of his books called Finding Favor with the King.  I was unsure of reading it for I have heard the Story of Ester soooo many times that I was like I am unsure.  Well just so ya know this was the only book by Tommy Tenny which I was looking for his other God chasers, but this was the one for this time.   I hate reading but when I started reading I became engaged and yearning to read more and more.

It was also about pursing the kings heart and not his palace and so he will favor you as his bride. Which I just finished Completely His and few months back which was also on the Bride and some traditions of the Jewish custom. 

In reading this book T. Tenny I find that this book is about the modern church and how Esters life really pursues the fact that the church today has gotten lost in the glory of the palace rather than the glory of the king himself as a lover of our soul.  We pursue the glory of the place in the blessings, the fame, the I need God to do something for me.  I am sick I NEED to be healed,  I Need to Sell a House or Ill face forclosure, etc etc the list is endless,  We get lost in the outer courts that we never really ever enter the holy of holies because we have not done the proper perpareing to meet the king.  We come and complain about sister Margaret is not doing this or that, or she sat in my chair, or what in the world was she yelling like that, or why did they choose this song, or I dont like, this isnt right, etc etc.. You know what I am talking about because I have done the same exact thing.  We literally give off an oder in Gods  nostrils and smells so bad that he cant even come in the door.  We forget the process and the preparation it takes for our hearts to truly seek him for who is he is not what he can do for me. 

Church is about God's agenda not about our agendas and plans,  Sorry friends my heart is yearning to seek the gaze of his eyes into mine.  I want to be held by the King and listen to his heart speak.   See when we are totally intune with his heart our hearts beat as one and what we do is what he would do and there is no need for justification when we truly beat with his heart. 

Cloth your self with praise adorn yourself with worship, put on his favorite color, and cry tears and passionate longing from your heart and He will be moved by desire to see his face.  


Becoming his bride, once we get this and it truly clicks, the rest of everything else fades, yes life storms around us and things happen, but gazing on his face will guide us to the right place,  The wedding supper of the lamb. 

Blizzards-He has fire in his eyes, which warms my soul

This is something cool that God spoke to me as I was driving home from work the other night.

You see I have recently gone back to work and let me just say I am thankful for God provision and timing, with out this job coming right when it did I am just not sure where we would be.

We are currently trying to sell either one of our 2 houses.  Yes some say its a good problem to have but in looking at it, not so sure that it is.  First of all own 2 houses is advice that I would not give anyone to do.  Sell your current one before you purchase a 2nd one.  We are left with 2 mortgages and 2 utility payments.  Can you say stressed, very stressed.  This last past year 2010 was a whirl wind of emotions.  Loss of a church that my family was 100 and ten percent dedicated to, loss of friends and acquaintances, loss of self, loss of trust and etc,  Going back to work full time, putting my photography business slightly on hold, but still doing it on the side.  Adjusting to being a mom, wife, full time employee, and everything else in between all those.  So stressed that I longed for the touch, the presence, peace, and everlasting love of the fathers glance at me.  I sought it out.

I happen to come across a womens meeting that Evangel was hosting where a awesome author of Every woman's battle,  was going to be along with Justin Rizzo and worship leader from international House of Prayer.  I went alone with no one.

As I sat and listened to the worship and began to feel something change inside of me,  I knew that God was stirring something and becoming me to listen to the next few hours.  As I listened and heard the messages brought forth,  My love as the Bride of Christ began to unfold.  I began to fall in love with Jesus all over again,  I didnt have a church home, I was just waiting and listening and feeling his love wash over me.  My heart still grieves for what could have been,  I still remember and will never forget the good memories I have shared with some really great people.

In all this story of my life paragraphs I said it to say this.


I got off work and stepped outside to discover the ground, parking lot, and cars had be covered in snow in a matter of an hour or less.  I was amazed because this was an unforeseen snow,  no one was prepared and it showed on the way home.  As I began to drive I could feel every bone in my body tighten up as I peeled my eyes to the road or what I thought was the road.  As I began to drive I noticed that the city had obviously been unprepared and the roads were unsalted and uncleared.  Sliding and slipping as I drove I finally made it to the watterson express way.  Well let me say that usually 5 min drive on that express way, lasted way longer than it was suppose to.  People had no direction,  no since of surroundings, the lanes in the road were non visible, cars were guessing where they think they should be,  It was a complete mess.  Then it started snowing so hard that visibility was minimal and for a sec I thought I may never get home, lll freeze if I have to spend the night in my van,  Little did I know that as I kept going despite what was blowing and churning around me.  that I kept going,  I never once looked back, I never once said, Im done, ok this is too impossible,  I kept going,  I gazed on his eyes and nothing else around me mattered any longer. 

God said this is who you are and this is what I desire for my people. To be warriors, not giving up or in,  even if you slip and slide keep holding tight to me even if its by a thread on the hem of my garment.  My children I desire a dept of love so gazed on me that it dosent matter where you step or the path you walking,  all that matters is that you are looking at me, through me, and wanting more of me.

Wow I am amazed every day at the insight he gives on every day situations,  how he has a plan and purpose for everything.  I am his bride and he is my beloved.  I long to gaze upon the fired in his eyes,  His name is Jesus!!