Tis the Season to be Jolly

So here we are heading into Christmas full blast, Thanksgiving is over and another year is passing right before my eyes. My Oldest son is 4 and will be 5 in February and I cant believe that he has grown up so quick. I am sadden by knowing that I keep getting older and older. Hmm Life is funny that way.

Today I decorated the Christmas Tree and I pulled out 2 ornaments that represent the 2 babies that I have lost over the last years. I just stand in silence as the innocence that they were. The first one I lost experienced Mexico and the joy of missions and the hot summer days of Juarez and the red light district and God endless love and mercy for all those who need to here his word. That child was with me and I didnt actually loose it tell well after I was back from Mexico. So may think I lost it because I was in Mexico or whatever, but after much prayer and deliberation with my husband I went. I was actually the leader of a group of teens and I drove them there and was their momma so to speak:) I saw their lives changed and my child was apart of that. Loosing that baby was very hard to say the least because I went through the labor process and felt every contraction and every thing. I mean everything. I remember that after that sometime we moved to Shepherds ville and visited New Vision Ministry Center and that first day at the end of service when Pastor David was giving the alter call, he mentioned that if you lost a child. that is all I heard and I knew that God was comforting my husband and I cause we looked at each other and cried. From that day on New Vision was a special place and are hearts were mended:)

The other Ornament was for a baby that was lost during that train accident that happened in Brooks. My son and I were home at the time and to say the least it was a challenging experience, you can read my blog about it in my history. But during that time we lost another baby, loosing that second baby was a real disappointment and was a very frustrating and hard experience to say the least. The moment that I was told that the baby was not alive I was so hurt that I cried all night in the hotel we were staying at because we had no home to go to. I know my husband heard me all night and probably others in the next rooms did too. I don't think that I ever cried so much and remember feeling the great disappointment. Still makes me cry when I think about it, but I know that God does recognize the unborn and the ones that are silenced on purpose or in vain and by accident. Which has made my prolife stance even more stronger than before. Here women are killing babies and I could carry one, very sad.

So I look at those ornaments and remember their little lives even though they were short. See I feel that when I sleep at night they are both sitting at my pillow and rubbing their little fingers through my hair as if to say they are with me.

Since then I have had Ryder who is almost 10 months old. He smiles all the time and is a precious gift. I know that without the loss of my other babies I would not have Ryder and he is an awesome little man. Him and Dom get along so well.

So on these Holiday seasons remember the past because it is the door for the future.

I need a really big Microphone

The last couple of weeks have been really crazy as its leading into the holiday season. I am constantly reminded of how we can get into our own routines and our own life's and not realize the true reason that we are here on this earth.

I was telling my son about Jesus and I told him that since Jesus lives in us that we need to go and tell others about Jesus so that when they die they will go to heaven. His response to me was so real that I was amazed at the understanding of a child. I told him"we need to tell others about Jesus so that they will go to heaven." He said "well Im gonna need a really big microphone, so everyone will hear it."

His understanding and faith it what we should show in our everyday life. We should want everyone to heat it and not be just confined to our comforts and what we want and if we are offended by this and that. we just need to get over ourselves and realize that there are lost and dying people that need to here about Jesus.

Soon after the Jesus conversation with my son, we were at church last Wednesday night when the pastor was talking about the Holy spirit and speaking in tongues and we brought him in at the end when God was moving, and he didn't want to leave. He felt the presence of God and he knew he wanted to be there and he asked for prayer. It was amazing to see and child want to be where God is moving, He felt it and wanted it.

The next day or so we were in walmart in the check out lane and getting ready to leave when Dominic turned to me and said "we need to tell that Lady that Jesus died for her" He would not give up and I told him to go ahead a tell her. I am not sure that that specific lady heard him, but a lot of other people did and who knows who heard that and needed to hear it. By the way he said it pretty loud on a busy Friday night. so I think there were people there that were destined to be there because God knew the faith and obedience of a child would fill the need.

No matter who we are, what lives we have lived, or how we look there is someone out that that needs to here about Jesus from us. Not everyone will receive it from just one person but they may from a little child. Or they may from you.

Go and do what God has called you to do and don't think twice because he is with you.

Today is a Very Sad Day

To say the least this has been a very sad day. My very good friend in the Lord who is on the dance team at church was in a car accident and her mother died in the wreck. Watching all the news and stories in the paper just breaks my heart. Laying in the hospital alone when I arrive was Bo. My heart raced and sank all at the same time. I was so sad when I went up to her she told me that her mom had died in the wreck and I just couldn't believe it. I stayed and comforted for a little bit and then left the room because my heart broke for her. I have nothing to give a good friend but my time and my prayers and maybe those are the most important things.

Now it seems that nothing else really matters. All the little things that get us upset or the regular routines that come our way. Just to seem not to matter anymore. I ask my self what is the purpose of live if not to just live. Then I ask God the purpose of our lives. My conclusion is that it is to serve him and to do whatever it is that needs to be done, no matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice, no matter what gets in your way, or what someone thinks. At the end of the day it is what you did for God and unto God that will echo in eternity. Its what we do now that determines our eternity and what will ring once we are there.

My prayers and thoughts are with Bo and all those who knew her Mom and all those who are their friends. I am so glad that Bo is still with us, I praise God that she is still alive.

Its a sad day but I must rejoice for Bo's life. He has got good plans for her.
Nothing else matters except what will echo in eternity:)

I obeyed and was taken to a new place

All I can say is that I have been brought into new levels of worship this past weekend. God is moving and propelling us to new heights in our church and in our wings of worship group.

Preparing for the workshop was tiring none the least but the rewards where Huge. All I can is that God is Awesome and he knows what he is doing for sure.

Tammy Harris obeyed God and when he told her to do this workshop. She listened I think that God came and did some really amazing things.

The whole day on Saturday was learning different worship styles and dances, Worshiping, break breakthroughs, and healing.

I tried my best to be a help to Tammy and make her feel like all she had to do was worry about the ministering and teaching, I do feel like I am her armor bearer and her guard. I want to protect her and help her do what God is calling her to do.

I think that I did that. I also think that some people take me the wrong way or make even feel that I am trying to take over and be a little micromanaging. I sometimes feel like people do not take me serious when I make suggestions, but in my defense I do know what I am talking about most of the time, anyways. I am a serious planner when it comes to events. I try and think of all the little details and make sure they are completed. So maybe people don't realize the experience that I have with things like this. Anyways I am a helper to Tammy and I feel like I am suppose to be with her to support her and be there for anything she needs.

Ok so got off track a little bit. Well the workshop was awesome to say the least. There are so many things that have come out of this day. I feel like it was a defining point for me as a christian and I entered in to a new level of worship that has been so long or the first time that I experienced his presence in this way. All I can say is wow! At one point during on of our intense worship blocks I felt that I should go and neal at the alter past the veil. All I can say is that as soon as I touched beneathe the thrown behind the torn veil, I was in another place. His presence fell on me and I was never the same after that. My hands shook and my heart beated fast, I barely opened my eyes and all I saw was bright white. I was in another relm. Amazing.

Well after that, I told Kendra what I experienced and showed her what I felt under the veil. She went under the veil to the thrown and expereinced the same thing and it was amazing, she felt that she should get up because what if someone want to come here and she said that God said to her "No its ok, no one wants to come back here" I sobbed when I heard that, I was amazed and what I had felt. His presence is so real and there is no denying that.

Then at the River Service. Some of us where suppose to dance special dances by our selves and well I felt I should do a mime and when I was looking for a song I came across this one and I felt this is what I should do. Well weeks later I found out that the youth were doing a drama to this one too and I was a little disapointed to say the least and searched and searched for another one to do. Well God said No and this is wanted me to do and be obident to what he wanted me to do.

Well I was really nervous about this because this was my first time as a Mime by myself. If you have others with you it is much easier. But This is what happend. I went out and the song began. All of a sudden I knew that it wasnt me doing what I was doing, it was God. He was guiding and directing my every move. There was one point where the song goes As the God man passes by he looked straight into my eye, when that happened I literally felt it was God looking at me and my body collapsed. I was crying through the whole this. It wasnt me at all, I just did what he asked me to do. I am not sure how people felt about what they saw, but I know that when I was doing that song that I was brought to a new high that I had never experienced and it was amazing. God is awesome, Just do what he asks you to do and you will make it and will be better than anything that you can ever imagine or think or dream or ask for. He is such a great big God and he showed me that. HE IS BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Opinions

Now that we have and new president elect, I have to say that I am dissapointed. I definately have strong opinions on abortion rights and other moral issues. So I am very dissapointed but I am not bitter about this because I feel that this is what was going to happen anyways. So I must be in prayer more than ever for our country and our leaders. Its not a suprise!

As a christian I feel that we must let our voice be heard and I feel that going against his word is a scary thing. Yes I will pray for our new president but I wont agree and support everything that he stands for, because I feel like I cant moraly and what Christians feel. We now have the most liberal sentater as president, that will be interesting to see what happens in the next 4 years.

I am proud that I am an american and I can have an opionion about things and that I can voice them without feeling like I am wrong. I think that everyone on either side can voice their opions and we shouldnt bash another views because that is what makes america is opionions and voices.

America is a good country as far as the availablility to prosper but I think that we give a lot of false hopes to other countries. For example people from like the Philippines are so despirate to come to the US(where my brother is a missionary) but they dont understand that it is hard and our nation is centered around money. While there they can grow their own food and they can use their own land, but here you have to have money to eat. But I dont have strong opinions about the the election and I am a prolifer and I still believe that is the most important thing is that we are leaglizing murder. That just astounds me to.

But I dont feel like I am bitter or feeling hate. I just feel caucious and feel like our new future president needs to be gaurded in much prayer for he does have a difficult road ahead and I pray that he makes the right choices.

I am proud of how McCain gave his consession speach and I think that this may open the Door for governer Palin to run for president, I really hope so anyways. I think that would be awesome.

I also pray for our troops and the wars going on and that they right choices are made there because it will be come a sticky situation if we leave too soon. I feel we must make the right choices in order to make things a success.

Ok that Is all I have to say for now, Yes I am proud to be an American and yes I am not real exicted but I know that God is still in control. God Bless!