So here we are heading into Christmas full blast, Thanksgiving is over and another year is passing right before my eyes. My Oldest son is 4 and will be 5 in February and I cant believe that he has grown up so quick. I am sadden by knowing that I keep getting older and older. Hmm Life is funny that way.
Today I decorated the Christmas Tree and I pulled out 2 ornaments that represent the 2 babies that I have lost over the last years. I just stand in silence as the innocence that they were. The first one I lost experienced Mexico and the joy of missions and the hot summer days of Juarez and the red light district and God endless love and mercy for all those who need to here his word. That child was with me and I didnt actually loose it tell well after I was back from Mexico. So may think I lost it because I was in Mexico or whatever, but after much prayer and deliberation with my husband I went. I was actually the leader of a group of teens and I drove them there and was their momma so to speak:) I saw their lives changed and my child was apart of that. Loosing that baby was very hard to say the least because I went through the labor process and felt every contraction and every thing. I mean everything. I remember that after that sometime we moved to Shepherds ville and visited New Vision Ministry Center and that first day at the end of service when Pastor David was giving the alter call, he mentioned that if you lost a child. that is all I heard and I knew that God was comforting my husband and I cause we looked at each other and cried. From that day on New Vision was a special place and are hearts were mended:)
The other Ornament was for a baby that was lost during that train accident that happened in Brooks. My son and I were home at the time and to say the least it was a challenging experience, you can read my blog about it in my history. But during that time we lost another baby, loosing that second baby was a real disappointment and was a very frustrating and hard experience to say the least. The moment that I was told that the baby was not alive I was so hurt that I cried all night in the hotel we were staying at because we had no home to go to. I know my husband heard me all night and probably others in the next rooms did too. I don't think that I ever cried so much and remember feeling the great disappointment. Still makes me cry when I think about it, but I know that God does recognize the unborn and the ones that are silenced on purpose or in vain and by accident. Which has made my prolife stance even more stronger than before. Here women are killing babies and I could carry one, very sad.
So I look at those ornaments and remember their little lives even though they were short. See I feel that when I sleep at night they are both sitting at my pillow and rubbing their little fingers through my hair as if to say they are with me.
Since then I have had Ryder who is almost 10 months old. He smiles all the time and is a precious gift. I know that without the loss of my other babies I would not have Ryder and he is an awesome little man. Him and Dom get along so well.
So on these Holiday seasons remember the past because it is the door for the future.
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