Eyes of the father, my bridegroom

How do you see with your eyes?  What kind of Filter do you see through?  What is your purpose?  Do you believe it?  Are you confident in it? 

So the last few days have been a time of totally getting into the presence of God.  Started with Eddie James and his team.  Of course I got blessed and all the while I heard spoke over me, more of his anointing, fire lord, more more more.  This was at Eddie James prayer line.  Then the next night which was friday when the lady who was praying the conference prayed over me it was almost around 10:20pm.  But her message was the same, more anointing, more fire, more more more more. 

So why this is soooo significant is that I have been in the desert place for quite sometime now, wondering and hoping and praying why cant I feel what God had for me, I don't I feel the fire, I wanted it and I sooo desired it.  The connect and change prob started a few weekends ago at another women conference where I felt some literally hindrances break off me.  Then to walk into the last 2 days open and ready to Take on the bride of Christ that I was ment to be. I was positioned divinely, not only have I been filled to a greater capacity I feel that I now have a new heart and its his heart. 

There were two examples of what I believe Gods heart is and why I feel like I have it.  First time was at eddie james.  I saw a young man and I was burden with his soul and the bondage that I could see on his life.  Intercession began and Gods heart was desperate for this young mans heart to be his.  He was like a stone, no facial expressions, His face was a solid rock in the midst of crying, jumping, worshiping, and freedom, He was sooo greatly bound.  I saw him standing there and it really scared me to see a young man that so purposly choose not to want to change and it looked as if would rather be bound.  My prayer and intercession has reached new levels which in praying for him...   This story I hope to find out will be a great one once his heart belongs to the lord.  Its a war people, if we thinks its not we are grealty mistaken. We need to war after souls. 

Number 2 encounter actually happened with a lady we will call Judy.  Judy was a woman I met all because a friend decided she wanted to go to a christian bookstore that was never where we had lunch.  I was reluctant at first but then decided ok why not walk over there.  At that time I never knew that this walk was for Judy.  So we looked around the christian book store for a bit and then when it came time to leave there was Judy. A lady who looked weathered, tired, and a little discombobulated.  She walked out before we left.  A few minutes went buy as we were walking out of the store and on to side walk.  Judy was showing a shirt she purchased from a christian bookstore to a gentlemen I assume she knew and who I felt was being not so nice to her, that a nice way of saying it.  When I saw the hurt in her eyes and something in me jumped, what I walked into felt I needed to do something.  We continued to walk until we came around the corner so I could look back at Judy as now she was sitting in a passenger side seat and the man what now at her door talking to her but facing with his but in her face.  First of all when I see a man abuse a women it makes me really flare up, whethers its mental, physical, or spiritual abuse I get heated.  So My friend and I talked about it and we felt the same way so she said lets go pray for her.  As we approached her window and asked to pray with her you could see the hurt and sadness in her eyes.  We prayed for her and the first thing she said was you don't know how much that ment to me. you will never know.  She said I was a spirit filled christian who use to be in church but backslid,  she said I know that he is there for me. I know that I left him and he didn't leave me.  Wow, she was struggling and a mess and she knew the root of it.  It seems that sometimes we just need to her from our own lips what we have know down inside for a long time. This was the walk for Judy.  Maybe the one glace I gave her or my friend gave her was a divine appoint to see a hurting people.  Taking ministry to the streets and just being an open vessel at any moment and be willing and open to see with the heart of God. 

Obedience and doing what we Gods heart says is one of the most wonderful feelings.  Today I gave a word in the womens meeting.  To be honest I feel like it was hard word.  maybe not a popular one of everything is going to be ok, life is peachy, or even an encouraging one.  It was a call of obedience a call of wanting an wooing the heart of his people.  It was the king calling for his Bride.  I am not sure who heard it, or who listened to it because I was soo heavy, God was in the room and he wanted willing vessels to be used and to dance and glory in his presence.  In some ways I question that I must have gave the wrong one because it was a heavy one.  No claping and joyous outburst, but it was a plea for us to dance deeper with him.  To take the steps of seeing and taking our purpose as the bride of christ.  Yes an awakening but our main purpose was we were created to be a pleasing and blessing to the Lord.  We were created because he wanted a person and being that would desire him even they r given the choice for something else.  He wants us to glory and bask int he presence of the creator the author of life.  oh how he loves me. 

I dont know if those who heard it understood what he wanted,  He wanted more more more more and a deepness and I could have stayed there for a long time just sitting in his presence.  Once we get closer to the heart of the bridegroom, the father and see as he sees.  its a beautiful love dance for our souls.  He is dancing in hope that we will answer back. 

Under HIS Wing!!!

This last weekend has been a life changing time for me.  Many may not understand but something clicked in me.  I think that I was at the point in my life that I was angry inside and I felt so distant from God.  We all have ups and down in Christianity but its how we handle it that matters in the difference in our attitudes and our walk.

Our walk with Christ should be one continual victory,  not victim mentality, who is me, look at me I have been through soo much.  Yes we should speak on our testimony and share that but the glory should not be in the testimony circumstances but in the one who brought you out of it.  So yes there is a difference about freedom and living as the Bride of Christ, which is true freedom.

So a lot has happened in the past several weeks with me.  Yes there was some church hurt left overs but personally my family has be stretched to its limits with owning 2 houses and some others things along with that.  One thing that I have learned is that life isn't about how sad I am but its about walking as the Bride of Christ.

Yes I keep saying the Bride of Christ and many people don't want to equate intimate thoughts with Jesus.  But this is what I mean.  Once we accept that Jesus offered his life freely to us at his first communion he extended the cup as a representation of him, some may not realize that this in Jewish customs was done when a groom offers the cup to his potential bride.  The groom negotiates a high price for her and then he extends the cup to her and if she drinks of it then its her way of accepting his love and that she is free to know that she is secure in his love.

Do we as a christian believing people really believe and accept the freedom that his love gave us.  He did it freely, so there wasn't really a price to be paid,  it was act of love, which means there is no obligation for us to have to serve him because he gave his life.  We should serve him because we desire to love him and we desire him and because we want to.  We we totally accept and become vulnerable that under the shadow of his wing is where we are safe in his love,  There is a protection, security that that brings.

I know that I am loved by him, I am his Bride and I am truly free to live to walk in victory knowing that whatever comes my way God will defend because under his wings I am safe and secure and he is my refuge.

Churches have caught the wave of all the free and freedom songs that can be sung in church are.  But do we really understand what free means??

Here are some definitions that I find interesting considering they didn't come from a spiritual place or book but from a regular dictionary off the internet.

unconfined: free expansion Not fixed in position; capable of relatively unrestricted motion,Not bound, fastened, or attached .Given, made, or done of one's own accord; voluntary or spontaneous,Unconstrained; Costing nothing; gratuitous,Unobstructed,Unguarded in expression or manner; open; frankTaking undue liberties; forward or overfamiliar. Not imprisoned or enslaved; being at liberty,Not controlled by obligation or the will of another,Not subject to a given condition exempt unconstrained,free or remove obstruction from,not held in servitude,absolve: let off the hook,release....grant freedom 2; free from confinement,dislodge: remove,able to act at will; not hampered; not under compulsion or restrain

I want you to ponder those definitions for a minute and see if those change your perspective of free and what it means.

Jesus free gave his life for us to be unconfined, unrestricted, not bound, unobstructed, not imprisoned or enslaved, not controlled by obligation not held in servitude, absolve, released, granted freedom.  Wow this really enlightens me to see that there is soo much security in knowing that when I truly accept that he is my groom that he will take care of me, he will protect me, I don't have to worry, I don't even have to repay, that he is not expecting that I do the same, but he desires that I love him and give back to him because I want to do it because of his love not to get anything in return or out of obligation but out of love.

A whole new concept.  This even equates into our relationships.  I don't want friends who feel obligated to, or just because, or feel guilty I want friends to be around because they want to.  

To walk in freedom of accepting the love that he has for us and what it really means is a whole new thing, its something many don't understand.  Yes we accept Jesus in our hearts and we love him and he has changed us but we don't see what he is really saying when it comes to the love he has for us,

Oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us.!!!!!!

Under his wings I will be, under his wing I will scaled the mountains, under his wing i will slay the enemy, under his wing will I abide, I am secure I am loved under his wing is where I want to be,

In his arms..

It funny(ironically) how life can hit you all at once, everything that can go wrong does and then some. 
In the process called life and what it brings I am always learning new things.  Friendships and what the value of that is and what it really means.  What is my passion in life and how much I miss it.  Stress, how much I just desire peace and long for a time of peace.  everything happens for a reason or because of decisions.  One thing I have watched and learned is that we must all be daily reading the word and praying with Jesus.  When you dont constantly stay in tune with Jesus you start to wonder off in all directions or you dont make the right direction choices. 

I have been pondering lots of things lately and about life can really distract us for what we are designed to do.  We are designed to be companions to the one who created us.  He was kind enough of to create us with our own will and ambtions in hopes of taking a chance on us that we would ultimately choose him rather than everything around us. 

The Author Of Life created us knowing there was a chance we would do our own things and listen to the snake in the tree.  He took that chance and we humans failed him, did he give up on us.  No he let us figure things out on own that we would desire him back.  As a punishment to adam and Eve he sent them out of the garden as a way of saying you didnt trust me that I would take care of you so now you will learn what trust means and what believing in me means.  Wow that is an awesome thought.

Also when Jesus was going through the greatest struggle of all times with his flesh verses what he knew he must do.  Judas was always around standing in the side lines awaiting for his role to be fulfilled.  Jesus knew Judas was going to betray him he knew that!!! But yet he still loved Judas and still kept him around.  Maybe it was to fulfill destiny but I also like to think that Jesus would have forgave him.  Jesus was still going to the cross regardless of Judas.  Why didnt Judas come back to Jesus in repentance?  I often wonder if it was the wispering amoung his fellow brothers the disciples that could have caused him to be soooo ashamed that Judas already being a weak mind couldnt recover and ultimately choose death.  Wow what a sad sad thought.  We never know the lives that we can change for the good or bad when we make decisions or when we choose to wisper or when we choose to live a life outside of relationship with Jesus.  If we truly are living in truth of Jesus and we are truly fulfilling God's will the struggle wont be as hard as we make it out to be.  We can find peace where there seems to be none.  If we are willing to just sit in the arms of Jesus and rest a while and open every deep dark place in our hearts and truly give it to God never to pick it up again.  How free could we be.  How forgiving could we be.  What mountains could that move. 

People are always going to be people.  Lets face it that is what life is about.  But Jesus stood in that gap for all of us to be able to really open our hearts and truly serve him in everything we do.  If it dosent glorfy him then maybe we should rethink what is about to be said or done. 

Decisions are never easy but making them while having a relationship with Jesus makes it a lot more peaceful and right.  Decisions may not be popular with friends or family but also long as they are with God then nothing else matters.

Sterotypers Sterotype

Today I went to take a test for a company.  Well one of the questions was something like this do you believe when some one has been put into a sterotype that it is true?  True of False answers.

I answered No.  But when I came home and sitting in the quiet of the evening this quesiton became so real to me.  We as Christians and humans classify people, we sterotype people every day and dont even realize that we are cutting people off or not givening them as change to be some other than the sterotype we put on them.  Ouch I need a band aid for that one.

How many times have we said something or believed something about someone and then in fact was the opposite.  We also look at past mistakes and classify people that way too.  All the while hiding our own sins and mistakes. 

A Stero type are belifes that a person is a certain way based on assumptions. 

Why do we not go and find the truth about someone for our selves, why dont we take the time to see what someone is really like, what they are going through, and to look deep in their soul and see valuable beautiful beings that God has created in his image.  We all have been created like him so in turn we reflect a part of him.  So when we stero type someone and classify them by their sins, or by the way they look, or by whatever it is saying that God dosent know what he is doing, and that we dont trust him.

Too often we try to take matters in our own hands and punish or give up on someone because we feel the need to sever relationships.  But did Jesus ever sever his relationship with us just because things Got bad, ulgy, nasty and dirty?  Just a thought.

He may back off and let us kick and scream to have it our way but then bam he is right there to pick us up.  Im sooo tired of Judgment throughing people.  The fact is we are sterotyping and handing out judgments and turning people off to Jesus. 

My prayer is that I really dont want to be a sterotyper.  I dont want to cut someone off because I feel uncomfortable or non confrontational.

Lord help me to serve others like I am serving you.  help me to see in to there heart and be able to help them by your grace, mercy and everlasting love.  Your love oh Lord is higher than the mountains and your love is deeper than the seas.

Drift wood

Bear with me as I tend to think of things in detail and depth. I like to shed new light on things.

Drift wood is wood that is from a natural disaster or a breaking up of or something such as a flood hurricane, etc. 

When something happens in a persons life.  No matter what it is can have devastaing effects on those that person.  One issue with someone might not be as big of a deal as some other occuance in another persons life, if that make sense.  So no matter the cause of the breaking or shattering it hurts nonetheless.

Sometimes people are strayed about as if they are drift wood in the river of God.  These are people that are just drifting because their lives have been shattered by one reason or another.  They have suffered great mishaps or things very important to them have crumbled.  So their lives have been broken apart into pieces in the river and they are just floating not knowing where they will end up, but at this point they are not fighting the current but they are now flowing with it to see where it takes them.  I know this can be seen as something dark and like depression but if you look at it with different view point you can see that sometimes all we can do is just flow in him or his presence and be willing to stop fighting where he is taking us. 


There is a reason for everything I like to say, no matter what happens in life all things work together for those who love God.  He will redirect us and repostion us to places we could never imagine.

As a piece of drift wood lands on the shore of a new place and new sand it begins to realize that this new place isnt so bad and that the coca nut tress are really pretty.  Then it begins to dry in the sun and suddenly it is wisked away.  The drift wood not realizing that in due time has been created into a beautiful piece of Art by a greatly skilled carpenter.  The carpenter has given the drift wood a new life and now has more meaning and a brighter future that ever before.

Re purposed and repositioned drift wood is what I long for.  Re purposed handcrafted by the greatest author of Life.

Redirection and Repositioning

I feel lead to share this and I hope that it is seen as my heart for others.  I am not gonna dare say in the process of life I have been perfect or ever will be perfect.

In hard times it is sooo easy to remember the bad things and focus on the hard times that are going on around us that we forget the many lives that have been touched.  I always say that God is going to be God no matter if we get in the way of it or not.  Sooo many people have been touched by Jesus at New Vision Ministry Center.  Yes even in the last few months at our new building which is now the old building.  People walked in the building for example when church wasnt happening and you could tell they were brought there with tears in their eyes because Jesus was there.

Over the last several years God has drawn many people to him despise us and what we make of things.  I am not talking about the failures of Just one.  I am talking about the failure of the church as a whole.  I have many opinions on the matter and have seen a lot of behind the scenes things.  I just want to Give God the praise for all he has done despite our human nature.  Be assured that God makes us all accountable for the things we do, know, say, speak, and act.  Despite the obvious there are many things that God has seen and has been disappointed with in ALL of us.  But as I look at all the different type of people, and different types of lives, and what God has done it amazes me. 

I have personally worked with several people who would have never came inside a Regular church to be honest if I had know it was a Church of God church I prob would have never stepped in the front door and I have been saved all my life since I was six when I was filled with the Holy Spirit.  I have seen alot in my 21 years as a christian.   People are looking for a church that can feel that they are able to walk into and fit right in.  They are looking for a place that dosent scream change or go to hell. I think we as a church as a whole all over the world are afraid to truly open our doors and let anyone in.  In a recent service I heard well if someone disagrees with you or causes trouble what u do is compliment them and walk them to the door and then say Go find another church.  WOW that blew my mind as I sat and thought about Jesus eating with those tax collectors, street people, and those deemed as "find another church type of people."  If we are going to be a church that represents Jesus then lets truly represent him and let him change the hearts and minds of people, not rush them out door cause we are afraid of confrontation.  Lets remember if Jesus is on our side he gives us the words and things to speak to be able to penetrate even the most unpentratable people.

We also started the online services being broadcast which allowed those sick and those who might not want to come to church visit.  There were those who even paid tithe through the online church.  Who knows how many lives were touched by the internet broadcast.  There was even a man that is deemed unreachable watching some of our services.   There were many good things and many good people.  I want us to remember that, because lives were changed because of Jesus. 

I am tired of Church as the Norm.  I am tired of Church politics and how people act.  One minute they love you and the next well not so much.   Yes my family was hurt in the process and that is what the devil delights in.  Not in the sin as much as how humans act when the pressure is on and stress comes.  It really tests are true character.

I have been in churches all my life and have seen so many pastors come and go, and have seen alot of things.  It amazes me that seemingly the same process continues and we wonder why are churches are falling apart. We have to be careful listen to our heart (which is the holy spirit if it lives in side of us) tell us to do. 

My family has been redirected and repositioned to a new direction for a time.  Many may question, many will think what they will but I will follow God no matter what any says, thinks, opinionates about me.  He is my ultimate Judge:)

We have to start looking at the Good in things rather than all the bad that is going on and happening.  As New Vision has came to a close I am proud that I was a part of the many lives that were touched and changed forever through that ministry.  I am sad that it is no more.  I have to part from the new congregation that has formed because one thing and that is I feel that I am released from there.  Not just because of the hurts but because I want to truly be effective on what God has called me and my family to do.  My prayers are that the new church moves forward for what God has called them to do and that they listen to his every direction.

I am looking forward the brighter things ahead and what God is going to do through us.  Sometimes you realize that if something takes away from the time you spend with God and your family then it needs to get revaluated.  If we dont reevaluate then he will do it for us.   That is how much he loves us.  He initiates the steps we need to take for reevaluation and repositioning.

I am repositioned and reevaluated and ready for greater things to come.  I am ready for his presence to consume and over take me.  Im ready to share what Jesus has done for me not just because it what a good christian is suppose to do, but because my relationship with Jesus is soooo strong that I want others to know the love that he has for ALL.  ALL Every person is valuable, no matter their flawes, there is always hope for someone and If no one else thinks so then I want to find it.  Cant wait Cant wait Im ready and Im stepping out of the doors of building to do something more for Jesus:)

Beacon in the Dark!

Have you ever took a step in the dark hoping you wouldn't step on a lego or toy?  I do this quite often:)(2 boys who love legos)  A sigh of relief fills the air as my foot plants softly on the floor with no harm to my foot, but that soon fades as my foot rises once again to take that next step.

Only if we could totally trust the dark we wouldn't have this problem or if we could trust our kids to put away their toys.  This got me to thinking about how we should trust God.  No matter where you are in life you may not see right away where your feet will land but know that God will guide you to the right places.  Its when we try to guide our own steps when we stumble on the toys or things left lying around.

As a Child of God I want to make sure that my walk is humble and that I can be a reliable and relate able person to others who are in need of help, praying, friend to talk to, etc  My trust in God has to shine through so others will see that they too can totally trust him to take care of their needs.  If my faith is wavering and I am literally a mess its really hard for others to see that faith works.  Not saying life has to be or is perfect but saying we should always watch our actions and how we deal with things because you never know who is watching.

For example say someone has done you wrong and you openly are glad they are having trouble.  Or you even secretly delight in their pain or suffering cause they deserved it.  Well God see's your reaction and your heart in that dealing.  He sees what choices you have before you and that is to spread life or death on your own soul.  By taking joy in another suffering actually brings you one step closer or away from the life that you need to be close to the father.

Every decision whether its taking part in a bad joke at work, be negative, or woe is me, or everyone hates me, or by being depressed all the time and not partaking in the JOY of the Lord even when don't feel like it.  Not matter what we must always take a step back and see that we are never far way from letting our selves partake in sin. So we must always watch and trust God to lead us and guard our hearts by the making choices that keeps us closer to him and not farther away from him.

I want to be a light in the dark place, I want to walk in the dark so that my light for Jesus will shine brighter than before.  If a candle is always in a lite room how effective is it until it hits the dark then its seen from all around.  Thats where I want to be!!  Let the Lord guide me through the dark so those who live in the dark will see the light and be able to know you because I was a beacon in the dark.