Just take his last name!

Today I have been pondering and thinking about many different things, but something has stood out to me that I feel like I need to blog about. I don't know if people actually take the time to read my blog or care that I write one, but I know that there is a reason that I do. I guess that it is in hopes that someone will read it and God will speak something into their lives that they become more passionate and concerned for his name sake. I don't claim to be perfect or have all the answers but when I feel that God says do something I do it because if I dont I fear the reprecusions it will have on my life, so with all that said this what I feel I should blog. Please open your hearts and ask God what he wants to speak to you today or through you today.

If we are suppose to be like Christ because we wear the name christian then why do we continue to do what we please and when we please? I keep hearing the kid song, I am a C-H I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N and I have Christ in my heart.... so if we really have him in our heart and we really call our selves a christian and we are suppose to be like Christ then why are we not doing it?

Why do we make fun of others? Why do we say inappropriate things? Why do we act like God isnt watching or listening to our every action and thoughts? Why do we deny him like Peter did, through are continued disobiedience and our lack of respect for his name? Why do we scream we want change but dont make a stand when its time to make that change? Why do we let millions of babies die because we refuse to talk about hot button issues? Why do we only stand when everyone in the world is standing, why dont we sit then? Why do we think that it is only our issues that really matter, when everyone around us is dying on the inside, but we are too caught up in self to see it? Why do we continue in the sin that we were delivered from? Why do we allow movies, tv shows, music, etc with questionable meanings, content, language in to our homes around our children?

I am sure the list can be longer but at this point I feel so sicked, convicted by my own actions that I realize, the fact is we are too scared to be like him, we dont want to be like him or pay the price of being a christian. We are so consumed of selfishness that we dont see or hear anything but what we need,want,feel, etc. I fore one feel that this is the time to run after him with all we have, if it means raising banners to get his attention. I just want to be in the deep end of the river and let him take me where he pleases, cause everything will be alright when I am with him. I think that this is what he is saying to us:

"Wake up out of your deep self induced spiritual sleep. I want YOU, I desire a relationship with YOU. I will keep YOU, I will be the only one for you, It is I who can make the enemy flee with just the mention of my Name. Can't you see it ME, you have been looking for? For I am calling you. I am wanting you to come deeper with me. Accept me, receive me, desire me, long for me, stand for me, I will bless you beyond measure.
Come be my bride, bear my last name, for that is what I desire"

Will you choose to give back to your creator?

Well today I feel like I got to blog about something. In sitting at home anxiously awaiting my husband to call me on the result of his job interview today. I was praying and have been for a while to find him a job that would stretch him and grow him, and that I knew would bring his potential out in him. Well I thought that is was his current job because when he arrived at his current employer 6 months ago, we thought it was a sure God send. Well it was but not that way that we had intended it to be. We thought it was it, after being there for 6 months, he realized that consulting is not for him, unless he worked for him self of course. So he stuck with this co and gave his all, all the while searching for another job, especially in a jobless economy we just figured what is God trying to teach us and where is he trying to bring us to. So in realizing that he was bringing us to a point that we would be able to let the past be the past, and know that sometimes we have to experience things so the grass will be even greener on the other side. I know everything is not going to be great and problems wont go away but God wants us to be thankful for our jobs, for those who do the dirty work, or the job that no one else cares to do.

Well if you read my other posts you know I quite my job I received my last pay check last week and havent had the oppurtunity to give my tithes till last Wed, thoughts always come through my mind and I am like wow I could really use that to pay on this bill or that bill. Or to eat with or to do this with, but then I get to where I am like ok I fear God and if I dont tithe, what will happen. Well I have been saved since I was 6 and I was thought that titheing was very important and that we should fear God because of who he is.

Life can diloute that fear if you let it. But any how I could feel that was fixing to do a mighty work, I could feel it. I didnt want to mess things up so I made sure to drop my last tithe in that basket. It was some dramatic crying or emotion when I gave it, I just put it in and walked away.

Then today, mike went for his interview, and this job that we thought would be a long shot, he was offered it. Didnt think that he would be offered it today but he was, it is with a company that is growing, has a good customer base, even though its based out of etown. It is a job perfect and it is what he wanted to do for a company. A God send to say the least.

So when you are wanting something, waiting, or just needed a change, its always good to remember to be faithful to your creator because you dont want him to delay your destiny just because you chose not to give back to him what is his.

What is his is your time, money, talents, your stuff, who you are is his. He created you, he gave you life, he has a destiny for you. Its all his and he gives and takes away.

I am just sitting watching the MJ memorial service. I guess I realize that we all are going to die one day and the life you are givin is the only life you have to do the right thing.

Who r u living for? Are you living for your self and your needs, your wants, your desires? This is something that is very real to me at this point in my life. Are you going to do something with what God had given you or are you going to please yourself and do what you want to do?

God is more real than people think, because you cant see him right in front of your face, we tend to not fear him. We just do what we think is right..

I have recently quite a job that I had been searching months for, when I counted out the money I was making and then spending on child care, gas, etc, I wasn't making any money, maybe 30 extra every 2 weeks. I realized that I want to be with my kids and that 15 dollars a week wasnt enough to keep me from my kids at this point. I can cut back somewhere and not eat out as much and not spend money I don't have on things I don't need.

I looked at my kids today and I realized my purpose at this point is to be home with them. I almost got emotional, I love my boys and even though staying at home is very difficult for me because I want to work so bad. I have to know that its not my will Lord its yours and you will keep me and guide me and provide for my family. So I have to trust his name and trust that he will guide and protect my family because we are doing the right things.

anyways those are just some thoughts that are going through my mind that I thought would just share, God bless,

Its only been two days of me getting back to being a stay at home and well let me say, hmmmm.
Its going to be harder and we are going to stuggle, i think that is a given in this time of a bad stench in the air of the economy. Oh well life goes on with or with out me so I guess I better go with the flow.

So I know that the enemy will try to steal our joy when we are doing what we are suppose to be doing. Last sat we went to an outreach in the portland area of louisville. Which is an older part of Louisville and is a rough and poverty stricken area. When you drive to those parts of town you immediately feel the opression that the area carries. Its like you drive into a dome where Satan thrives. That make me hate the devil even more. To witness first hand the things that he tries to bring people down with. Wow I could go on and on. Its not my first time in this type of area. When I would go to Mexico, ciudad Juarez we would go to the red light district and actually go into several crack houses and minister, love on, and feed the people that were there. Its neat where God will take you if you just let him. Once I was in a Mexican prision, yeah a white gal in a Mexican prision. All I can say is God moved in a mighty way that Day, I realized my sin and hurts are no different than anyone elses, we are all in need of a savior.

so back to the Portland Outreach, one of my favorite times was holding up signs and trying to gain attention to the people in the area. I like to observe people and one of those people I will never forget. You know we should really try and understand what people go through and where they have been so we can start to understand why they do the things they do. So I saw this lady in the distance and she came walking up and lets say she was wearing short shorts and a shirt that showed some skin. I like to look people in the eye, even if its only for a glance because it does something. I feel like I get a taste of their life and their pain. She was a sad lady, but hard shell on the outside. She came in and got some things, stuffed animals and left, then she walked back down the street and left. A few minuites later a car drove by and she was in the back seat and with 2 men in the front. I saw the blank stare of her face and it saddned me. I have seen a lot of things while working in Mexico and just in general, I pay attention to the afar off and I see things that most would not even notice. People catch my attention and then at that point I know that its a devine appointment from the father, because he is looking after his children to be obedient and to do his word, so people will catch our attention.

Yes people with dress suggestive, people will act crazy when it comes to getting free stuff, people will be rotten, people will dissapoint, but we have to remember what has made them this way and why am I hear at that appointed time.

Be open, dont judge, dont make fun of others, you never know what they have been through and if u went through what they did, you might be where they are.

Have compassion and shine a light in the Dome filled with satans plans, where Jesus is satan will flee:)

My life in a nut shell the past couple of months, has felt like a winding roller coaster of emotions and events.

I started a new job working at a very prestigous eye center and I actually really liked this job for the most part. There is always going to be something you dont like about a place. I prayed for this job and asked God to bring me this job, and I got it and I am sure it was God's hand in doing this for me. But as I began to look at what I was actually taking home from this job after paying out child care, gas, food, and other costs I wasnt making any money. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was deep and I thought about this for weeks. Should I stay or should I go went through my mind. After thinking about well did God really intend for me to have this job? or was it something I asked for, that he gave me but wasnt something that I was really suppose to have or need. I think that God gives us what we ask for and then we get it we are like, what in the world am I doing here? Someone else is watching my kids and I missing them and they are missing me. Is this worth it?

I finally decided after praying and meditating to leave my new job. They all understood my postion and seem to be supportive of it. I feel sad knowing that my last official day will be friday if I stay all that day. I definatley will miss the people that I work with, even though I dont know them that well I do feel apart of their lives and like they are a part of my life that I feel I will be missing. I really feel down and my emotional self cant but help to cry.

So in this I have been doing a lot of soul searching and self discovery. I just ponder and continously think about what is my purpose, what am I suppose to do, ahhhh. I dont think that I will ever know exactly or the future but only the now and then I am suppose to trust God with the rest. He has me in his hands and will guide me and provide for me. I have to believe that. That is was I am in a contunial process of learning.

All I want to do is be at his feet, I just want to get into the place of true and intimate worship with him and that I want to live again. I just want to live for him and think about him and worship him. I just want to feel alive and not like I am living in a dead mans shell. I want to be sold out. I want God to move in me. If he uses me to do great things, big or small that is what I want him to do. I want to be molded and stretched into a better person and I want to love others no matter how bad they drive me nutz. I just want to be so passionate about people that I see them as souls that need help rather than people I dont like because of this or that.

My grandma had a stroke and me and my dad drove down to Arkansas an 8 hour trip away and it was on fathers day. We worried about my grandmad and they still dont know the cause and are doing more tests but for now she is all right and getting use to things and trying to be more active. That help me to think that our time on this Earth is short and are we going to make an impact on it or are we just going to sit around and do nothing.

I have to do something, even if I feel a million miles away from you Lord, I will still trust that you are there and I will serve you and I will honor and adore your name.

Be my savior and breath a new life into my soul oh lord, please help me to truly live again.

I see a lot of dirty windows:)

How clean is your glass?

So you know the glass windows and doors you seen at old walmarts. They usually have outside set and an inside set of windows. I dont claim to be a pro at cleaning as a matter of fact I hate cleaning windows. But when the time comes that I need to be a window washer that is what I try to be. It may not get the cleanest or be the best but its my best. So anyways there are so many topics that I could touch on. but one quick note is that there are people that are sold out to their church and to Jesus and then they are some that hold back and dont sell totally out.

One of the window washers stated, Jesus and this church have done so much for me, how can I not give back. It keeps us focused on him and we don't get distracted. that set with me as I began to take a look at the windows. I began to see through the glass and realize that this is going to be a big task. I realized that the inside of the windows would need clean and then the inside set of windows would need a cleaning. You cant just clean on set and forget about the other. When you do something you got to get in there and do it big.

I began to see all the people that have passed through these windows when it was wal-mart. I started to feel the pain, sorrow, sadness, struggles, etc of all the people that have walked through these doors. Then I began to think about those that are going to walk through these doors and find what they are looking for. It set a spark in me, I knew that this is my church and that I am going to be a part of a huge life changing church. The walmart customers don't know it but God has strategically placed this church in the heart of an area that is going to have the potential to reach even more than ever thought possible. I mean come on everyone in this area knows about this Walmart. When its God leading its going to happen. No matter what anyone person might say, when God decides it dosent matter what they think.

I began to realize that the windows are so important, if you don't clean them they get dirt and grime that keeps getting build up. Its like Christians who don't jump in and sell out to Jesus, they walk around with dirty windows. Jesus cant shine through them because their windows are dirty. We are suppose to be a light for Jesus but if the light can shine through your dirt then its going to be hidden.

Dont let your light be hidden with the build up of half Christianity, be all or nothing, sell out, and sell out big, get them windows clean like they have never been clean before.

How big is your fish bowl?

I am so amazed at my little fish from the New Vision Easter carnival. He is still living. I have even changed his bowl and have given him a proper home and through all the changes of his environment he is still alive. This little fish has given me inspiration and helped me to always side of side of life. Always strive to live even if your fish bowl is small.

You see he lived in a clear glass for several weeks because I though he would die before we got home. I did feed him but I just left him in this little glass and he adapted and over came. My son finally named him Dorothy and keeps saying when he dies we are going to flush him down the toilet. So needles to say this little was never given a chance to live. We wrote him off for dead before he turned belly up.

I think that some times we write ourselves or others off for dead. We just give up on our selves or others and we dont side on life. We say we are prolife but we write millions of babies that are starving all over the world for dead. We dont see that our neighbors and our families are stuggling and no one is listening. In these bad economic times we are so focused on our selves that we write everyone off for dead. Which means we just give up on them and dont help them get out of their small glasses into a better fish bowl.

This little fish was a gift from God. It may never know my name, but I know his. He may never talk to me or speak to me, but I speak to him. He may never thank me for cleaning his bowl but I thank God for him. For showing me that God dosent give up on the smallest of things. That no matter how small you are, or your situation is God still cares. No matter what God is going to take care of you and help you live. You really dont need all the stuff and things you thought you needed to survive. Just the basics and a will to survive. Dont be a stastic dont give into the negative times. Look up look to heavens, look past your cloudy fish bowl and rely on the father to bring you into clear waters.