Blizzards-He has fire in his eyes, which warms my soul

This is something cool that God spoke to me as I was driving home from work the other night.

You see I have recently gone back to work and let me just say I am thankful for God provision and timing, with out this job coming right when it did I am just not sure where we would be.

We are currently trying to sell either one of our 2 houses.  Yes some say its a good problem to have but in looking at it, not so sure that it is.  First of all own 2 houses is advice that I would not give anyone to do.  Sell your current one before you purchase a 2nd one.  We are left with 2 mortgages and 2 utility payments.  Can you say stressed, very stressed.  This last past year 2010 was a whirl wind of emotions.  Loss of a church that my family was 100 and ten percent dedicated to, loss of friends and acquaintances, loss of self, loss of trust and etc,  Going back to work full time, putting my photography business slightly on hold, but still doing it on the side.  Adjusting to being a mom, wife, full time employee, and everything else in between all those.  So stressed that I longed for the touch, the presence, peace, and everlasting love of the fathers glance at me.  I sought it out.

I happen to come across a womens meeting that Evangel was hosting where a awesome author of Every woman's battle,  was going to be along with Justin Rizzo and worship leader from international House of Prayer.  I went alone with no one.

As I sat and listened to the worship and began to feel something change inside of me,  I knew that God was stirring something and becoming me to listen to the next few hours.  As I listened and heard the messages brought forth,  My love as the Bride of Christ began to unfold.  I began to fall in love with Jesus all over again,  I didnt have a church home, I was just waiting and listening and feeling his love wash over me.  My heart still grieves for what could have been,  I still remember and will never forget the good memories I have shared with some really great people.

In all this story of my life paragraphs I said it to say this.


I got off work and stepped outside to discover the ground, parking lot, and cars had be covered in snow in a matter of an hour or less.  I was amazed because this was an unforeseen snow,  no one was prepared and it showed on the way home.  As I began to drive I could feel every bone in my body tighten up as I peeled my eyes to the road or what I thought was the road.  As I began to drive I noticed that the city had obviously been unprepared and the roads were unsalted and uncleared.  Sliding and slipping as I drove I finally made it to the watterson express way.  Well let me say that usually 5 min drive on that express way, lasted way longer than it was suppose to.  People had no direction,  no since of surroundings, the lanes in the road were non visible, cars were guessing where they think they should be,  It was a complete mess.  Then it started snowing so hard that visibility was minimal and for a sec I thought I may never get home, lll freeze if I have to spend the night in my van,  Little did I know that as I kept going despite what was blowing and churning around me.  that I kept going,  I never once looked back, I never once said, Im done, ok this is too impossible,  I kept going,  I gazed on his eyes and nothing else around me mattered any longer. 

God said this is who you are and this is what I desire for my people. To be warriors, not giving up or in,  even if you slip and slide keep holding tight to me even if its by a thread on the hem of my garment.  My children I desire a dept of love so gazed on me that it dosent matter where you step or the path you walking,  all that matters is that you are looking at me, through me, and wanting more of me.

Wow I am amazed every day at the insight he gives on every day situations,  how he has a plan and purpose for everything.  I am his bride and he is my beloved.  I long to gaze upon the fired in his eyes,  His name is Jesus!!

Fanitical Love!

So recently I have been hearing Christians say, we need to get back to the way church is suppose to be, or the way it use to be.  So this has been something I have been praying on, thinking about and asking God for the direction I should take.

Photographed by Me Anna Marie Garcia Photography

With this said if your reading my blog you either know me, stumbled up on my blog while searching for something else, or you just want to see if I have any juicy subjects to spill.  Well what ever the case my be I want to share this and I hope you see what I am saying and what has been on my heart.

God is Good all the time and all the time Good.  This is a saying I have heard over a million times in church and it becomes a clishe or another rituaita that gets passed on for generations.  If we were quicker to guard our mouths and reverence our words as though we were only rationed a few to speak a day, I think that we would put more thought into what Came of out our mouths and what we allowed in.

Soo with that thinking about the way church is suppose to be or needs to get back to or whatever term that has been used lately.

I look back to when John the baptist started baptizing people in the Jordan river.  I kinda think that was an out of the box idea.  He wasnt really affiliated with anyone other than Jesus.  He wasnt baptizing for an agenda or propaganda he was simply doing something that well others didnt think about.  For example the traditional way was be baptized in certain setting, or water dipped from a bowl(which there is nothing wrong that) or wearing a certain clothing.  John was simply spreading the Good news of Jesus and preparing the hearts and giving hope to those who were in their regular clothes, regular lives, and just regular people.  JOhn the baptist himself wasnt a well grommed man, he at locost and lived in the wild.  now today if there was a man down at the river baptising people who looked like John did, I think we would think he was a little fanitical.  Funny thing is soo did the people of Johns day, so did the traditional Church think that he was off his rocker just a tad.  They meaning the "churched" folk were so caught up in traditional things that they simply overlooked the very thing that they needed and that was change.

If you look at each disciple and the apostles you think that each one was a member of something that not many people were able to join.  I am sure they were looked on as a cult, or as some kind of fantastical running around causing trouble and creating disorder in the land.  Think of their boldness to walk up to blind and lame men only to heal them instantly,  Dont you think that would have been a little crazy, to witness and especially when in those days, things like that didnt happen until this Jesus guy showed.  I dont have a PHd or MD or even a degree in christian thinking or thought or anything. But I do see that church today still has the same meaning, same hang ups, same discord, same issues as the church back in the day did.  They want to run the show, they want to be in charge, you have to be this way to be here, if you disagree you are a fanitical and crazy,  you cause disruption, or This is how the church does this so this is how its going to be done.  Mind you I do understand rules and such, but when it becomes more about the laws and regulations and traditions than it does about the loving, merciful grace of God who sent Jesus his Son, Him in the flesh to walk the earth with us to be with us,  He desired us soo much that he took on our form and took beatings and mocking yet he still loved and forgave us.  WOW,  So what do we think about church getting back to its roots now.  its about getting back to being different, outside the box, non traditional all the time, and getting our hands dirty to reach out to those who need Jesus.  Not to be ashamed of the one who created us and wants our love and the bride that we are.  He wants us, he desires his people not a cliche of churchness and churched folk.  But hearts of people who long after his an desire him and follow where he leads no matter where he will lead.  Sometimes that means doing something differently than what ya been doing.  I wanna be a fanitic for you lord help me to be outside the box, standing for those who desperately need your touch. God Breathe your renewed life on me and create a fanatical love only you can give.

Looking into the heart, and this is what I see

For the record type of Blog. 

I know that I am not perfect and I am a person in need of a savior every day of my life. 

I have began to study, the different crazy, mind, blowing things that have taken place in the Bible.  I was watching one of my favorite cartoons the other night about Moses.  Yes Prince of Eqypt.  My son begged to watch it in the van and all I could here was the audio.  As I listened to the part where moses finds the burning bush when he went looking for the lost lamb and I hear moses question God and God comes back with his strength in instill faith and a reverance fear of him.  He Reminded moses of what all he had done. Creation of the world.  The part I hear is who made mans mouth did not I.  Wow that Gets to me.  As I will question why it is I do what I do.  People may think, I am supporting a man, over looking sins because I want to be in his fan club, or what ever.  But they are failing to see the point I am making and the point really is not for them to understand anyways.  Bear with me as I explain.  Through my studing through out the Bible recently I have seen where time and time again that God proved to do some really awesome and crazing things to help people understand what it was he was trying to convey. The real meaning of everything he is trying to get us to understand is his love for us.  Every thing he has done and all the miracles are his way of showing how much he willing to do for his Bride, and his ultimate price was Giving Jesus to the world so that we would see a fleshly relevance to a spiritual world.  How can wen understand the spiritual when we are not spiritually pure beings.  we had to see it in the flesh and see what the love of the bridegroom feels like for his bride and the willingness to sacrifice his own life and love for us.  I remember hearing a story of some hikers that were hiking in a snowy mountainous area and they got stuck on the side of a mountain and there was a man and a women newly weds I think.  Inorder for the mans bride to be saved he had her lay on his body so she would not freeze to death which in turn took his life.  Wow!!!!  Such love, and yet there is one who have done this for all of us and yet we still dont see the point. 

So as you look through time and time again at the children of Israel and their lives and all they have went through, and you see there were times that they didnt some pretty, blasphemous things, and also made idols time and time again and blatantly turned from God and YET He still extended grace and mercy and a everlasting love for his chosen. 

That brings me to why I do what I do.  If you critize or disagree with me then thats ok but what I do isnt for you.  Its for those looking in from the outside scheme of things.  Its for those I see at work who need to see that no matter what they feel like they have done, they can see that the Jesus I know will expend grace and mercy to them.   I hope that those reading will see my point will see my understanding and see that I want those who need to know that I am not a Critical Christian, I am not going to beat a bible in their brains( which only makes for more hearden hearts).  I want to see souls saved, changed and free from bondage, not put in the bondage of Religious Christianity and beats others down.  You can say what you will or believe what you may, but as for me and my house where Gods go we go, and what God says do we do.  Even if it means others dont understand or dont have a clue. 

Today God called me by my name and said Anna, this is where I want you, for such a time as this, for a time to be a gap filler so that sinners will see a person and family that is willing to be uncomfortable and unresitricted and not bound by others so that I might be available to the others who will need a Christian that dosent look at the mess but looks at the heart and soul. 

So I have been working a week now, Im still in training and will be for a month or so,  So I wont be able to really say yes I like this or not, but for now one point has driven home to me lately and this is what it is.

This is what you make of it.  What you put in is what you get out. 

This concept rings true to any area of our lives.  Its kind of funny how if we pay attention enough we can find the most important things out of life its self. 

Time:  There is never enough time in day.  We spend most of it working, watching tv or surfing the net or on facebook.  Its just funny how life works.  I worried that going to work I would be sooo afraid that I might loose my kids affection and I wouldnt be as motherly to them because I wasnt at home.  In one week I find out that Ryder loves being with grandma and dom loves going to the Ymca.  He actually begged to go back.  The things we often fear the most are the things that we actually find can be rewarding and Very not what we expected.  So Time is what you make of it.  If you make it quality you get quality if you spend it meaning less what you get is well meaningless. 

One morning while driving into work I felt the protection of God and closness that I have never felt before it was actually amazing to feel him as if he was sitting in the care right next to me.  Simply amazing it what it was.   In that time I feel that God sees me for me and he knows me and yet he still loves me.  I havent given up on what I know God is trying to say to me.  I havent given up on what I felt he was telling me to do and what he was saying.   I am sooo at the point that I dont care what you think of me or any one else.  I could care less.  Why because God knows me and my intentions and my love for him is like none other.  I am his bride and I am loving it. 

Opportunities:  Well they are what we make of them.  We have oppurtunities that are right infront of us everyday of our lives,  We see them but yet we dont see the fact that we are blind by our own selves to run with the doors that are opened to us.  We can see them because we are focused on earthly things we are not focused on the bridegroom and his ways for our lives. We miss it and dont make nothing of it and still CRY why me.  This is good.

Whether its your Job, your life, your family, your friends, your church, your city, your wallet,

Carpe diem sieze the day.  Make the most of it,  Make it your own, do your best and Put in with out wanting anything in return, do it as if Jesus was sitting right next to you.  We are carriers of the GLORY when we are his Bride and if we dont take advantage and take hold of it then are boldness fades, we miss it and we dont ever expect something more for ours lives. 

Willing ........

Ok ok ok,  so here is a very important topic that has been swirling and swirling inside of me.

In light of recent events a passion has been growing inside of me like never before.  I have often wondered what a church would look like with truly no walls, no limits, no boundaries.   Now some of us need limits and boundaries but I am not talking about physical or emotional or laws or standards.  I am speaking of the spiritual.  No spiritual limits or boundaries.  What would that look like.  Now some of us will be quick to quote all the scriptures that in the view point of your situation may agree with you.  But in order to look at what God is really saying we should really look at what the world was like at that time, what situation was the context written in and we actually will get what more of God's heart is saying.  We can quote scriptures by them selves and thats good and all but sometimes we have to see what it was written and what it was written for.

So with that said.

I have often thought about spiritual limits and boundaries we put on our churches.  We decide who gets to do this and that. We decide what happens pretty much.  If we like you your in and if we dont then not so much.  We argue about petty things, and when I mean THINGS I am talking about material possessions. Our focus gets way off God, which is where the devil wants us so he can surprise attack.  while we argue about carpets, tiles, pews, seats, lighting, cameras, sound, childrens depts, teens,  this and that, this and that,  what has our focus become???   Just a question or thought.

Instead of classifying people into these are the bads ones or troubled ones, gay, lesbians, theifs, etc etc I could go on a on and on.  We put people in a box, we think we are praying for them to be set free all the while we are chaining them up.  If you go into help someone in need whether its homeless or whatever and you drive an expensive car or you walk up in 100 shoes or make up and jewelry what does that say about u.  I mean we want to scream dont judge me but we have haughty attitudes, we have the crusaders mentalities.  We act like that in a poor neighborhood God doesn't exist and we are bringing the light to them.  When more times then not they have better attitudes and spiritual walks with God than we could ever dream of having.   If you read the context of the proverbs and psalms the poor is mentioned many times and the majority it talks about God is with them and they are blessed.

Then this brings me to where our society talking mainly about Americans and we tend to serve Mammon rather than God,  I am talking about money here.  We dont realize that God has been replaced with our wants to prosper.  yes God blesses us, but those blessings come in many different ways,  for example Good friends, blessed womb of a barren woman,  Children, grandparents, families.  Etc etc.  Knowing God's heart Money becomes sooo much more less and less. yes it would be nice to have believe me, but then where would our faith be?  Where would our trust be?  Materialistic is what we have become.  We didnt realize that what we are actually serving is money.  Ouch yes I know I might be stepping on your toes.  If we feel God is leading us somewhere, then we dont have to beg and plead for the funds or the things we need.  God will supply.   Sometimes that supply might be in a job, or donation, or a money tree(prob not the tree) but whatever God chooses is a form of provision and blessings.

I want a place sooo bad it isnt funny but I also want to see those who are soo unloved, troubled, sick, hurting, dying spiritually to come to Jesus.   I want a place that a man can walk in wearing a dress, carrying a purse, and wearing make up walk in to with out a glace of the righteous sending darting glares of unworthiness. Where they make the change because they were accepted in their present state but it was God who spoke to them and it was God breathed his life into their sleeping soul.  This is a true story of a very dear friend of mine.  If it wasnt for a place like that, I would not know this friend of the family.  Countless stories of others who could walk into a place and just weep and not be questioned but it is really God who speaks to them and touches their hearts.

We have to start equaling out the playing field and let others see that they are just the same level and special to God as anyone else.  You status on Earth has  nothing to do with your status in heaven. That Goes for Preachers, teachers, evangelist, as well.  We put people in high places only that when they fall we stomp on them like their mud sending back to where God made them from.  Reality is the reason we are so hurt and disappointing in others is because we place a value on them that is really much more than we should.  yes accountability should be great and leaders should lead with respect and integrity but when they have no accountability I mean those willing to tell someone as nathan did to david. 

You may agree or not agree with me. you may feel like I am totally crazy. But remember it is God who gives us the choice to choose.  The real question is will we distract someone, or others but the way we look at them, the way we talk to them, the things we do in general, we will portray humility or will our arrogance shine.  Will we say look at what a Great Job we did to help the homeless when in reality many of us our one bad mistake or payment away from being with no home. That is just one example, it could be helping a old woman across the street, come to find out she didnt need our help and we where actually holding her back. Or we we see a drunk on the street and we cast a shame shadow instead of praying for them and realizing that there is way more to why they are like they are.  We are all in need of a savior every day.  humbleness, faithfulness, desire to want to know God more in our hearts, yearning to hear him and sit at his feet, yielded vessels, not consumed by things, but willing to be outside of the box, willing to accept people for their situations all the while realizing the situations we are in ourselves,   willing to do... whatever it is that is asked , regardless of the nay Sayers and slanders,  Willing....

Eyes of the father, my bridegroom

How do you see with your eyes?  What kind of Filter do you see through?  What is your purpose?  Do you believe it?  Are you confident in it? 

So the last few days have been a time of totally getting into the presence of God.  Started with Eddie James and his team.  Of course I got blessed and all the while I heard spoke over me, more of his anointing, fire lord, more more more.  This was at Eddie James prayer line.  Then the next night which was friday when the lady who was praying the conference prayed over me it was almost around 10:20pm.  But her message was the same, more anointing, more fire, more more more more. 

So why this is soooo significant is that I have been in the desert place for quite sometime now, wondering and hoping and praying why cant I feel what God had for me, I don't I feel the fire, I wanted it and I sooo desired it.  The connect and change prob started a few weekends ago at another women conference where I felt some literally hindrances break off me.  Then to walk into the last 2 days open and ready to Take on the bride of Christ that I was ment to be. I was positioned divinely, not only have I been filled to a greater capacity I feel that I now have a new heart and its his heart. 

There were two examples of what I believe Gods heart is and why I feel like I have it.  First time was at eddie james.  I saw a young man and I was burden with his soul and the bondage that I could see on his life.  Intercession began and Gods heart was desperate for this young mans heart to be his.  He was like a stone, no facial expressions, His face was a solid rock in the midst of crying, jumping, worshiping, and freedom, He was sooo greatly bound.  I saw him standing there and it really scared me to see a young man that so purposly choose not to want to change and it looked as if would rather be bound.  My prayer and intercession has reached new levels which in praying for him...   This story I hope to find out will be a great one once his heart belongs to the lord.  Its a war people, if we thinks its not we are grealty mistaken. We need to war after souls. 

Number 2 encounter actually happened with a lady we will call Judy.  Judy was a woman I met all because a friend decided she wanted to go to a christian bookstore that was never where we had lunch.  I was reluctant at first but then decided ok why not walk over there.  At that time I never knew that this walk was for Judy.  So we looked around the christian book store for a bit and then when it came time to leave there was Judy. A lady who looked weathered, tired, and a little discombobulated.  She walked out before we left.  A few minutes went buy as we were walking out of the store and on to side walk.  Judy was showing a shirt she purchased from a christian bookstore to a gentlemen I assume she knew and who I felt was being not so nice to her, that a nice way of saying it.  When I saw the hurt in her eyes and something in me jumped, what I walked into felt I needed to do something.  We continued to walk until we came around the corner so I could look back at Judy as now she was sitting in a passenger side seat and the man what now at her door talking to her but facing with his but in her face.  First of all when I see a man abuse a women it makes me really flare up, whethers its mental, physical, or spiritual abuse I get heated.  So My friend and I talked about it and we felt the same way so she said lets go pray for her.  As we approached her window and asked to pray with her you could see the hurt and sadness in her eyes.  We prayed for her and the first thing she said was you don't know how much that ment to me. you will never know.  She said I was a spirit filled christian who use to be in church but backslid,  she said I know that he is there for me. I know that I left him and he didn't leave me.  Wow, she was struggling and a mess and she knew the root of it.  It seems that sometimes we just need to her from our own lips what we have know down inside for a long time. This was the walk for Judy.  Maybe the one glace I gave her or my friend gave her was a divine appoint to see a hurting people.  Taking ministry to the streets and just being an open vessel at any moment and be willing and open to see with the heart of God. 

Obedience and doing what we Gods heart says is one of the most wonderful feelings.  Today I gave a word in the womens meeting.  To be honest I feel like it was hard word.  maybe not a popular one of everything is going to be ok, life is peachy, or even an encouraging one.  It was a call of obedience a call of wanting an wooing the heart of his people.  It was the king calling for his Bride.  I am not sure who heard it, or who listened to it because I was soo heavy, God was in the room and he wanted willing vessels to be used and to dance and glory in his presence.  In some ways I question that I must have gave the wrong one because it was a heavy one.  No claping and joyous outburst, but it was a plea for us to dance deeper with him.  To take the steps of seeing and taking our purpose as the bride of christ.  Yes an awakening but our main purpose was we were created to be a pleasing and blessing to the Lord.  We were created because he wanted a person and being that would desire him even they r given the choice for something else.  He wants us to glory and bask int he presence of the creator the author of life.  oh how he loves me. 

I dont know if those who heard it understood what he wanted,  He wanted more more more more and a deepness and I could have stayed there for a long time just sitting in his presence.  Once we get closer to the heart of the bridegroom, the father and see as he sees.  its a beautiful love dance for our souls.  He is dancing in hope that we will answer back. 

Under HIS Wing!!!

This last weekend has been a life changing time for me.  Many may not understand but something clicked in me.  I think that I was at the point in my life that I was angry inside and I felt so distant from God.  We all have ups and down in Christianity but its how we handle it that matters in the difference in our attitudes and our walk.

Our walk with Christ should be one continual victory,  not victim mentality, who is me, look at me I have been through soo much.  Yes we should speak on our testimony and share that but the glory should not be in the testimony circumstances but in the one who brought you out of it.  So yes there is a difference about freedom and living as the Bride of Christ, which is true freedom.

So a lot has happened in the past several weeks with me.  Yes there was some church hurt left overs but personally my family has be stretched to its limits with owning 2 houses and some others things along with that.  One thing that I have learned is that life isn't about how sad I am but its about walking as the Bride of Christ.

Yes I keep saying the Bride of Christ and many people don't want to equate intimate thoughts with Jesus.  But this is what I mean.  Once we accept that Jesus offered his life freely to us at his first communion he extended the cup as a representation of him, some may not realize that this in Jewish customs was done when a groom offers the cup to his potential bride.  The groom negotiates a high price for her and then he extends the cup to her and if she drinks of it then its her way of accepting his love and that she is free to know that she is secure in his love.

Do we as a christian believing people really believe and accept the freedom that his love gave us.  He did it freely, so there wasn't really a price to be paid,  it was act of love, which means there is no obligation for us to have to serve him because he gave his life.  We should serve him because we desire to love him and we desire him and because we want to.  We we totally accept and become vulnerable that under the shadow of his wing is where we are safe in his love,  There is a protection, security that that brings.

I know that I am loved by him, I am his Bride and I am truly free to live to walk in victory knowing that whatever comes my way God will defend because under his wings I am safe and secure and he is my refuge.

Churches have caught the wave of all the free and freedom songs that can be sung in church are.  But do we really understand what free means??

Here are some definitions that I find interesting considering they didn't come from a spiritual place or book but from a regular dictionary off the internet.

unconfined: free expansion Not fixed in position; capable of relatively unrestricted motion,Not bound, fastened, or attached .Given, made, or done of one's own accord; voluntary or spontaneous,Unconstrained; Costing nothing; gratuitous,Unobstructed,Unguarded in expression or manner; open; frankTaking undue liberties; forward or overfamiliar. Not imprisoned or enslaved; being at liberty,Not controlled by obligation or the will of another,Not subject to a given condition exempt unconstrained,free or remove obstruction from,not held in servitude,absolve: let off the hook,release....grant freedom 2; free from confinement,dislodge: remove,able to act at will; not hampered; not under compulsion or restrain

I want you to ponder those definitions for a minute and see if those change your perspective of free and what it means.

Jesus free gave his life for us to be unconfined, unrestricted, not bound, unobstructed, not imprisoned or enslaved, not controlled by obligation not held in servitude, absolve, released, granted freedom.  Wow this really enlightens me to see that there is soo much security in knowing that when I truly accept that he is my groom that he will take care of me, he will protect me, I don't have to worry, I don't even have to repay, that he is not expecting that I do the same, but he desires that I love him and give back to him because I want to do it because of his love not to get anything in return or out of obligation but out of love.

A whole new concept.  This even equates into our relationships.  I don't want friends who feel obligated to, or just because, or feel guilty I want friends to be around because they want to.  

To walk in freedom of accepting the love that he has for us and what it really means is a whole new thing, its something many don't understand.  Yes we accept Jesus in our hearts and we love him and he has changed us but we don't see what he is really saying when it comes to the love he has for us,

Oh how he loves us, oh how he loves us.!!!!!!

Under his wings I will be, under his wing I will scaled the mountains, under his wing i will slay the enemy, under his wing will I abide, I am secure I am loved under his wing is where I want to be,